random thoughtlessness

i have a tendency to forget my thoughts real quick, so i wrote some of them on a piece of paper during pharma class. here they are:

i hate to lose
i'm scared of failing
i don't want to die poor

i think my classmates hate me for my study habits. not that i have any. what irritates them the most would probably be when our grades are pretty much at par with each other, after they slaved over their 11-lb notes while i skimmed over my notebook. the sadist part in me rejoices; i find great satisfaction in beating out the nerds! fwe, i know it's pathetic but spare me a thought. it's about the only way that i can get any self-esteem >.<

no matter what other people may say, i am not totally scare-free. i still get cold feet when discussion turns toward our grades. syet. as much as i love college, i'd hate to stay another year. i have a record to protect. it's an average record, but even an average is better than a nothing.

i got posted in the school clinic for duty. nothing serious, except for grade school kids getting in a serious lot of mishaps and troubles. how many headaches can one tolerate?? other than an ulterior motive, like being excused from an extremely boring class (oh, purleaze. this is grade school..not college ^^), i am lead to believe that our grade schoolers are world-class klutz-es and immune deficient in some way. not all clientele were kulit kids. service staff also came in to avail the free albeit meager services the clinic offered. it made me think of how their life is, especially that of a breadwinner who works the skin of his bones as a janitor in Ateneo. does he get jealous when he sees the spoiled, rich kids, spoiling away their moolahs, while he toils for some of it?? i got depressed dwelling on it. to be born poor and to die poor. this world is too cruel.