i have a tendency to forget my thoughts real quick, so i wrote some of them on a piece of paper during pharma class. here they are:
i hate to lose
i'm scared of failing
i don't want to die poor
i think my classmates hate me for my study habits. not that i have any. what irritates them the most would probably be when our grades are pretty much at par with each other, after they slaved over their 11-lb notes while i skimmed over my notebook. the sadist part in me rejoices; i find great satisfaction in beating out the nerds! fwe, i know it's pathetic but spare me a thought. it's about the only way that i can get any self-esteem >.<
no matter what other people may say, i am not totally scare-free. i still get cold feet when discussion turns toward our grades. syet. as much as i love college, i'd hate to stay another year. i have a record to protect. it's an average record, but even an average is better than a nothing.
i got posted in the school clinic for duty. nothing serious, except for grade school kids getting in a serious lot of mishaps and troubles. how many headaches can one tolerate?? other than an ulterior motive, like being excused from an extremely boring class (oh, purleaze. this is grade school..not college ^^), i am lead to believe that our grade schoolers are world-class klutz-es and immune deficient in some way. not all clientele were kulit kids. service staff also came in to avail the free albeit meager services the clinic offered. it made me think of how their life is, especially that of a breadwinner who works the skin of his bones as a janitor in Ateneo. does he get jealous when he sees the spoiled, rich kids, spoiling away their moolahs, while he toils for some of it?? i got depressed dwelling on it. to be born poor and to die poor. this world is too cruel.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Saturday, August 19, 2006
in the news
our EIC decided to give us permanent 'niches' to work on so that data gathering will be easier. i chose to work under national issues, which i realize now was a really stupid move since i don't read newspapers, much less actually care to know what happens to my beloved yet sinking-in-elephant-turd country, the Philippines. i don't like news. i am a firm believer in the adage that no news is good news.
if you live in the same place as me, then skip this paragraph. obviously, there is no need for me to elaborate our political situation. but for purposes of clarification for the author herself, i shall try to discuss the state of my country. it's in deep shit.
and so am i, unless i find my national news issue to be passed by Tuesday.
i have claimed the job of wading knee-deep in national issues which are usually shitty and emerge from my escapade unscathed, with a clear view of what the news means. i do not mean to be so negative about it; it just can't be helped. on the positive side, i guess i'll be more alert and up-to-date with the going-ons around here. perhaps that will cure my opinion-less lifestyle.
i'm starting to develop tha habit of reading newspapers when i get in the Beacon office. thankfully, the school provides us with the latest newspapers, 2 national and 1 local paper.i don't bother with the local papers; a campus journalist could do articles and layouting better than they do. my favorite reads will have to be the Inquirer's opinion page, especially Randy David's and Patricia Evangelista's columns, the former helping me understand the issues better and clearer while the latter allows me to marvel at the brilliance and brains of today's Filipino youth. too bad their government fails them in so many ways.
i'll be doing my job right if i watch the news and read the papers. i think i'll be enjoying it too.
i just wish i still had social studies class. perhaps i can dazzle them with my newfound passion for the papers.
if you live in the same place as me, then skip this paragraph. obviously, there is no need for me to elaborate our political situation. but for purposes of clarification for the author herself, i shall try to discuss the state of my country. it's in deep shit.
and so am i, unless i find my national news issue to be passed by Tuesday.
i have claimed the job of wading knee-deep in national issues which are usually shitty and emerge from my escapade unscathed, with a clear view of what the news means. i do not mean to be so negative about it; it just can't be helped. on the positive side, i guess i'll be more alert and up-to-date with the going-ons around here. perhaps that will cure my opinion-less lifestyle.
i'm starting to develop tha habit of reading newspapers when i get in the Beacon office. thankfully, the school provides us with the latest newspapers, 2 national and 1 local paper.i don't bother with the local papers; a campus journalist could do articles and layouting better than they do. my favorite reads will have to be the Inquirer's opinion page, especially Randy David's and Patricia Evangelista's columns, the former helping me understand the issues better and clearer while the latter allows me to marvel at the brilliance and brains of today's Filipino youth. too bad their government fails them in so many ways.
i'll be doing my job right if i watch the news and read the papers. i think i'll be enjoying it too.
i just wish i still had social studies class. perhaps i can dazzle them with my newfound passion for the papers.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
teh midterms
prepare to meet thy doom!!! midterms is here!!
it's tomorrow for Pete's sake! tomorrow! and what am i doing? logging on the internet, relying on divine intervention for my academic salvation.
this is no way to survive school, but i have been doing it for so long that it actually works. oh, i want to kill myself sometimes for goofing off on such an easy question, but since i usually pass my exam, the urge to hang myself by my thumbs (hmmm, will that actually kill me?) simply disappears.
speaking of urges, my urge to study is completely in snooze mode. it does not help that i only have 20 or so pages worth of written lecture when photocopied lectures reach around, oh say, 50-70 pages. this is suicide, dude. i do have a decent memory, but it is only good on a short-term basis. everything i studied for the past weeks for my quizzes have leaked out and i have to start from scratch.
anyway, here's to hoping myself a good midterms. not that i'm looking forward to facing it.
this sucks soooo much.
oh well.
<3
it's tomorrow for Pete's sake! tomorrow! and what am i doing? logging on the internet, relying on divine intervention for my academic salvation.
this is no way to survive school, but i have been doing it for so long that it actually works. oh, i want to kill myself sometimes for goofing off on such an easy question, but since i usually pass my exam, the urge to hang myself by my thumbs (hmmm, will that actually kill me?) simply disappears.
speaking of urges, my urge to study is completely in snooze mode. it does not help that i only have 20 or so pages worth of written lecture when photocopied lectures reach around, oh say, 50-70 pages. this is suicide, dude. i do have a decent memory, but it is only good on a short-term basis. everything i studied for the past weeks for my quizzes have leaked out and i have to start from scratch.
anyway, here's to hoping myself a good midterms. not that i'm looking forward to facing it.
this sucks soooo much.
oh well.
<3
Thursday, August 10, 2006
words for the week
use these words in complete sentences:
1. uber
2. toinks
3. ryu!
4. jopeks
5. blue chicken barbecue
the true learnings in college. this week, these words have been going out of my mouth real often. i don't know why i bothered to put it up here. i guess i'm just proud for adding 5 new words to my diminishing vocab.
anyway for the challenge. allow me.
1. uber
i have no idea what this means but i think it's super. got that word from philo class when we passed nietzche.
" i think spike spiegel is uber-cool (complete with drool and winking effect for drama and authenticity)"
2. toinks
a sound effect to signify that i have turd for brains
"they don't change jah, they simply adapt"
(mimicking a pan hitting my head) "oh. toinks!"
3. ryu!
a swear word that is made beautiful by a distinct chavacano accent
"ryu!!"
note: you can add more expletives for your convenience
4. jopeks
a nickname of someone whose true name is too short
"hoy jopkes! i can't see you! haha!"
5. blue chicken barbecue
the end result of a communication drill, when one's team are hard of hearing and low in logic
"blue chicken barbecue? WTF?"
note: though it celebrates our idiocy, the motto above has become our unofficial class chant.
1. uber
2. toinks
3. ryu!
4. jopeks
5. blue chicken barbecue
the true learnings in college. this week, these words have been going out of my mouth real often. i don't know why i bothered to put it up here. i guess i'm just proud for adding 5 new words to my diminishing vocab.
anyway for the challenge. allow me.
1. uber
i have no idea what this means but i think it's super. got that word from philo class when we passed nietzche.
" i think spike spiegel is uber-cool (complete with drool and winking effect for drama and authenticity)"
2. toinks
a sound effect to signify that i have turd for brains
"they don't change jah, they simply adapt"
(mimicking a pan hitting my head) "oh. toinks!"
3. ryu!
a swear word that is made beautiful by a distinct chavacano accent
"ryu!!"
note: you can add more expletives for your convenience
4. jopeks
a nickname of someone whose true name is too short
"hoy jopkes! i can't see you! haha!"
5. blue chicken barbecue
the end result of a communication drill, when one's team are hard of hearing and low in logic
"blue chicken barbecue? WTF?"
note: though it celebrates our idiocy, the motto above has become our unofficial class chant.
Friday, August 04, 2006
timing
life is all about timing.
take, for example, my recent absent-spree (dumdumdumdum....thus, it begins) from school and duty. to absent from one's duty for reasons other than world destruction and alien invasion is nothing short of sacrilege in nursing. however, with skill, tenacity and lots of luck (plus an extensive knowledge on your clinical instructor's habits), one can get away with nothing more than headaches for staying in bed for 8 hours straight.
back to my absent-spree. my system went down because of the flu. it lasted approximately for a day but i consider it a waste if i don't milk it for what it's worth. >.>
rash decisions always make me nervous and thus, on my return to academic civilization, i was on pins and needles all day. 12 hours of duty is no small thing, and although i am cool with the idea of payback, conscience has a way of making me feel guilty of time lost and wasted (well, not exactly. i did manage to watch 16 episodes of the 26-episode anime series i had stashed hidden in my room).
i half decided to go MIA for a week straight but decided to ask mom about it.
"mom, i still feel bad"
"don't go to school then"
"but i don't have my fever anymore"
"hmmm.."
"there might be a quiz"
"then go"
"but i still feel bad"
"then don't go"
honestly, i realy wished she just told me to shut up and drag my lazy ass to school. it's her way of developing in me good decision making skills.way to late in my humble opinion. i am officially a dependent, lazy pervert with no ambition except to finish school and land a job. >.<>.>
haha, my groupmates wanted to kill me right then and there.
like i said..timing is everything.
take, for example, my recent absent-spree (dumdumdumdum....thus, it begins) from school and duty. to absent from one's duty for reasons other than world destruction and alien invasion is nothing short of sacrilege in nursing. however, with skill, tenacity and lots of luck (plus an extensive knowledge on your clinical instructor's habits), one can get away with nothing more than headaches for staying in bed for 8 hours straight.
back to my absent-spree. my system went down because of the flu. it lasted approximately for a day but i consider it a waste if i don't milk it for what it's worth. >.>
rash decisions always make me nervous and thus, on my return to academic civilization, i was on pins and needles all day. 12 hours of duty is no small thing, and although i am cool with the idea of payback, conscience has a way of making me feel guilty of time lost and wasted (well, not exactly. i did manage to watch 16 episodes of the 26-episode anime series i had stashed hidden in my room).
i half decided to go MIA for a week straight but decided to ask mom about it.
"mom, i still feel bad"
"don't go to school then"
"but i don't have my fever anymore"
"hmmm.."
"there might be a quiz"
"then go"
"but i still feel bad"
"then don't go"
honestly, i realy wished she just told me to shut up and drag my lazy ass to school. it's her way of developing in me good decision making skills.way to late in my humble opinion. i am officially a dependent, lazy pervert with no ambition except to finish school and land a job. >.<>.>
haha, my groupmates wanted to kill me right then and there.
like i said..timing is everything.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
inside somebody else's mind
the pinnacle of my nursing days...to be assigned in the famed ward 9.
i always made it a point to avoid passing ward 9 during my duties in the hospital. although i know for a fact that madness is not communicable, i was still scared shitless that by some cosmic anomaly (more like punishment and damnation) would fall on me and i'd be a looney for the rest of my life.
you'd have thought that we were lathered with glue, the way me and my groupmates stuck together on our first day in the war zone. you would too, when the patients would swarm around you, touching your shoulder and staring at you as if you were an exhibit in a museum chronicling the saga of human madness. one guy touched my arm and started raving about my braces. soon everyone was raving about my braces. the number of times i had to smile in that ward...
the thing about being in the ward is that you become unsure of yourself. it takes a toll on you, emotionally and physically, to be inside that ward since you have to keep reminding yourself that you are sane and that they aren't. you're suppose to guide them back to reality, not encourage their delusions and imagination. but then, guiding these people back to reality is tough. constant reminder of who you are and where you are, are essential in keeping yourself normal for the first few hours inside. the temptation to let go and pretend, that yes, kissing everyone on the first meeting, is very strong.
part of the routine in the ward is to take care of your patient's hygiene. yes, hygiene. when the mind goes, everything else follows. personality, hygiene and clothes...off, then gone. thankfully, my patient was well enough to do hygiene herself...i just had to supervise and remind her of some things but other than that i had it easy in the ward. after all, my friends had to spend at least 30 minutes inside the makeshift bathroom with their patients stripping and bathing.
as the hours go by, apprehension soon wears off and appreciation settles in. by appreciation, i mean that we start to see theory in action. discussions inside the room are seen in the patients' behaviour; not that we learn that much in the classroom, mind.
there are some exasparating moments--they are crazy after all, but an experience inside ward 9 can be surreal. i was unnerved by the fact that most of them knew that they were crazy and why they were there. if a person can tell you frankly that she's crazy, then is she really crazy? they were not the picture that we often see in television or read in books. true that some go berserk and have to be isolated, but most are, well, normal to say the least. how do you then classify crazy?? >.>
some moments are touching. once an inmate went nuts and started stripping inside the cell. when this happens you just don't walk up the cell and talk to the guy; you run (for the duration of my duty, i was scared...all the time...). on and on he went, screaming, begging, prostrating himself on the cold floor. unexpectedly, it was another inmate who managed to calm him down. she went by the door and started cooing and stroking the old man's face. soon, his screams subsided. frankly, i was amazed. it seems that even though their sanity is gone, the essence of being human is still within the recesses of their minds. that need to comfort and be comforted is there, existing, thriving and yearning...no sane person dared do that. one insane inmate did. in that aspect of caring, they are better than most sane people i know.
socialization came in on our last day. hah! amazing how these people love to sing old Tagalog ballads, to the point that i was on the brink of stupor and sleep--a no no in ward 9. they dance too--shuffling is more like it. games are carefully planned. you don't want these people arguing over who should win or lose now, don't you? in the karaoke session, my microphone gets handled by more than one inmate. not to be prejudiced or anything, but rumors of tuberculosis are present inside the ward (as told to me by one inmate) so i kept my microphone sealed inside the cellophane when i came home. i plan to dump it in hot water. hopefully, nobody at home will miss it.
i always made it a point to avoid passing ward 9 during my duties in the hospital. although i know for a fact that madness is not communicable, i was still scared shitless that by some cosmic anomaly (more like punishment and damnation) would fall on me and i'd be a looney for the rest of my life.
you'd have thought that we were lathered with glue, the way me and my groupmates stuck together on our first day in the war zone. you would too, when the patients would swarm around you, touching your shoulder and staring at you as if you were an exhibit in a museum chronicling the saga of human madness. one guy touched my arm and started raving about my braces. soon everyone was raving about my braces. the number of times i had to smile in that ward...
the thing about being in the ward is that you become unsure of yourself. it takes a toll on you, emotionally and physically, to be inside that ward since you have to keep reminding yourself that you are sane and that they aren't. you're suppose to guide them back to reality, not encourage their delusions and imagination. but then, guiding these people back to reality is tough. constant reminder of who you are and where you are, are essential in keeping yourself normal for the first few hours inside. the temptation to let go and pretend, that yes, kissing everyone on the first meeting, is very strong.
part of the routine in the ward is to take care of your patient's hygiene. yes, hygiene. when the mind goes, everything else follows. personality, hygiene and clothes...off, then gone. thankfully, my patient was well enough to do hygiene herself...i just had to supervise and remind her of some things but other than that i had it easy in the ward. after all, my friends had to spend at least 30 minutes inside the makeshift bathroom with their patients stripping and bathing.
as the hours go by, apprehension soon wears off and appreciation settles in. by appreciation, i mean that we start to see theory in action. discussions inside the room are seen in the patients' behaviour; not that we learn that much in the classroom, mind.
there are some exasparating moments--they are crazy after all, but an experience inside ward 9 can be surreal. i was unnerved by the fact that most of them knew that they were crazy and why they were there. if a person can tell you frankly that she's crazy, then is she really crazy? they were not the picture that we often see in television or read in books. true that some go berserk and have to be isolated, but most are, well, normal to say the least. how do you then classify crazy?? >.>
some moments are touching. once an inmate went nuts and started stripping inside the cell. when this happens you just don't walk up the cell and talk to the guy; you run (for the duration of my duty, i was scared...all the time...). on and on he went, screaming, begging, prostrating himself on the cold floor. unexpectedly, it was another inmate who managed to calm him down. she went by the door and started cooing and stroking the old man's face. soon, his screams subsided. frankly, i was amazed. it seems that even though their sanity is gone, the essence of being human is still within the recesses of their minds. that need to comfort and be comforted is there, existing, thriving and yearning...no sane person dared do that. one insane inmate did. in that aspect of caring, they are better than most sane people i know.
socialization came in on our last day. hah! amazing how these people love to sing old Tagalog ballads, to the point that i was on the brink of stupor and sleep--a no no in ward 9. they dance too--shuffling is more like it. games are carefully planned. you don't want these people arguing over who should win or lose now, don't you? in the karaoke session, my microphone gets handled by more than one inmate. not to be prejudiced or anything, but rumors of tuberculosis are present inside the ward (as told to me by one inmate) so i kept my microphone sealed inside the cellophane when i came home. i plan to dump it in hot water. hopefully, nobody at home will miss it.
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