we have a boarder in our house. he's a selfish, self-centered cock...i like the way you think, but this time, i mean a literal cock...a chicken boarder.
it all began when my mom decided to purchase two bantam chickens (those tiny, white ones), with dreams of farm land bliss and paradise (meaning: free eggs, milk, cheese, dairy products....hehe). for a while, i was the official chicken-babysitter. i had to tag along two animals whose purpose in life is to peck anything that stands still for approximately 0.5 seconds.
then came the cock, er, the other chicken (he's a big, black one), set free from the city life's boredom and captivity. i realized that chickens are territorial. understandably, the newcomer was shy and 'hangul' (my mom's flowers were facing armaggeddon), while the bantam male was all puffed-up with his alpha-male ego. the white chick pecked and chased the black chick everytime he had the chance, forcing the black chick to run for cover and follow timidly behind. no amount of shooing and scolding could change the white chick's superior view.
for a time, the black one accepted the hitler-like regime of the bantam couple, until he found the greener grass beyond our fence. our neighbor owned a dozen or so black chickens (ugly ones, i tell you), and he found his people. everyday, he would make the trip outside the fence and would spend hours doing..well, doing what chickens do. the excursions would last for an hour and soon extended for the whole day.
the black chick would soon go home only for food and sleep time...very much like a boarder....very much like my brother...hehe...but that's another story.
so, he's the boarder that gone's before the sun rises and comes back way after midnight. i'd like to scold the cock once in a while, but that is taking it to far. for the record, i have not named the chicken, thus preventing any personal and emotional bond with it. in the end, boarder or not, a cock is still a cock c:
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Monday, July 10, 2006
tidbits
one week down and uhm....well, more to go. ha! i am getting the hang of this college stuff, even if it drives me up the wall sometimes.
i just love community duty, expecially when third years are around. you can boss them around and order them to do the dirty stuff in the health center; that is basically catering to snotty kids and grumpy mothers. haha, 'tis good to be a slave-driver, er, a senior that is.
today, we had a feeding program sponsored by the health center. haha, wished it were for us. i skipped breakfast so by the time i was at the center, my stomach was not pleased with me. the feeding program was supposedly for those kids who are below their normal weight and height or possibly on the verge of malnourishment. that's free food for you, dear reader. normally, that's the bait that health centers offer so that people, will, like go and have their selves checked up and inspected, because people will go in if the symptoms are really downhill already. and they get pissed off if the health workers can't do anything about it.
considering that the program is about nourishing kids with the proper vitamins and nutrients, i wondered why the food served was a glassful of sticky, chunky arroz caldo, with pieces of chicken added not for flavoring, but more of an afterthought ("hmmm, arroz caldo without chicken, is not arroz caldo....so here goes the chicken leg to be shared by a pack of hungry wolves we call children..."). i know the brgy. health center is 'kapos' of budget and all that, but surely, something more nutritious (and possibly, palatable) could have been served instead of plain rice swimming in plain soup. that's all carbohydrates, and believe me, a glassful is not enough to put in the desired bulk and adipose tissues on the frames of those skinny, hyperactive and snotty kids. nutrition and its applications is a long-term process; it's not just a feeding program when you feel like it, then believe that you have saved the world from malnutrition and diseases. the fact that the BHW kept on urging kids who obviously were not in for the feeding program proves that they lacked the preparation and dissemination. they probably meant good in sharing the arroz caldo with those kids, but then one BHW commented that they must reach a quota of kids for that day of feeding. it's still all about the image, the papers and the semblance of doing something else in the health center, aside from barking orders to the student nurses. however good the program was, it is still tainted by the motives.
hai hai. i really can't judge their actions. but it sure does bother me. tacky, tacky, tacky.
anyways, i am back in school. i have to jam in three chapters worth of lessons in my short-term memory so that i might survive another quiz. after my excellent performance on ,y first quiz, things have been going down hill. i got a 76 and an 81 after the 95. can't help it. my neurons fail to work when the clock strikes 5:30.
show-feedings and flunkable quizzes. hai, i don't know which one's worse.
i just love community duty, expecially when third years are around. you can boss them around and order them to do the dirty stuff in the health center; that is basically catering to snotty kids and grumpy mothers. haha, 'tis good to be a slave-driver, er, a senior that is.
today, we had a feeding program sponsored by the health center. haha, wished it were for us. i skipped breakfast so by the time i was at the center, my stomach was not pleased with me. the feeding program was supposedly for those kids who are below their normal weight and height or possibly on the verge of malnourishment. that's free food for you, dear reader. normally, that's the bait that health centers offer so that people, will, like go and have their selves checked up and inspected, because people will go in if the symptoms are really downhill already. and they get pissed off if the health workers can't do anything about it.
considering that the program is about nourishing kids with the proper vitamins and nutrients, i wondered why the food served was a glassful of sticky, chunky arroz caldo, with pieces of chicken added not for flavoring, but more of an afterthought ("hmmm, arroz caldo without chicken, is not arroz caldo....so here goes the chicken leg to be shared by a pack of hungry wolves we call children..."). i know the brgy. health center is 'kapos' of budget and all that, but surely, something more nutritious (and possibly, palatable) could have been served instead of plain rice swimming in plain soup. that's all carbohydrates, and believe me, a glassful is not enough to put in the desired bulk and adipose tissues on the frames of those skinny, hyperactive and snotty kids. nutrition and its applications is a long-term process; it's not just a feeding program when you feel like it, then believe that you have saved the world from malnutrition and diseases. the fact that the BHW kept on urging kids who obviously were not in for the feeding program proves that they lacked the preparation and dissemination. they probably meant good in sharing the arroz caldo with those kids, but then one BHW commented that they must reach a quota of kids for that day of feeding. it's still all about the image, the papers and the semblance of doing something else in the health center, aside from barking orders to the student nurses. however good the program was, it is still tainted by the motives.
hai hai. i really can't judge their actions. but it sure does bother me. tacky, tacky, tacky.
anyways, i am back in school. i have to jam in three chapters worth of lessons in my short-term memory so that i might survive another quiz. after my excellent performance on ,y first quiz, things have been going down hill. i got a 76 and an 81 after the 95. can't help it. my neurons fail to work when the clock strikes 5:30.
show-feedings and flunkable quizzes. hai, i don't know which one's worse.
Friday, July 07, 2006
of falling in and falling out
i diagnosed myself to have bipolar disorder. in laymen's term a manic-depressive. i don't have time to see a shrink (i don't think zamboanga has one *sigh) so after leafing through the pages of my psycha book and finding this term, i decided that the symptoms were custom made for me. i need a name to describe the way i felt this past week. frankly, shitty is the only word that comes into my mind. hai hai, i never want to go through another week like this one. shitty, shitty, shitty. oh man, give me some prozac!
now that i have a name, we try to delve into the reasons as to why i feel shitty all the time. i came up with a couple of answers:
1. it's all about classes-- i pay P30,000 per sem and all i get is shitty classes. shitty= dumb, gay teachers.
2.falling out with old friends...-- i blame myself for this. my personality is a complex one, and even i don't understand the prima donna b*tch. all i can say is that i wished i had placed more efforts in maintaining my relationships with friends. it hurts me bad to see me and monique drifting apart. not that we hate each other, mind. it's just that she has a new circle of friends and i don't. i feel jealous everytime she goes out with her friends. i guess i keep on remembering the times when we used to go out. i want to get her attention sometimes, but i feel like a complete idiot. i am starting to sound positively lesbo here...0_o'
3. ...and falling in with new ones-- kill me, then. i have a tendency of withdrawing back when things get too cozy and close. it feels soooo...cheesy. cottage cheese. the risk of putting yourself out there, of sharing an identity with someone else, of being typecasted into one group...that pisses me off for some reason. which makes me understand why i still have no boyfriend after two decades in this world.
4. senior blues-- i should say, yey i am a senior! instead i say, God!...i've been ranting about my love-hate relationship with nursing for the past 4 years that i'll stop and just shoot myself.
5. suicidal tendencies-- don't call the cops. nobody takes me seriously anyway. nope, i'm a passive suicide idealist *idealist??WTF??* and it means that i think about death and dying a lot, but i don't make plans to kill myself. i don't think i'll make a lovely corpse.
6.hypochondriac-- human beings are proud of their flaws. often, they'd rather stick with their crippling and debilitating demons than take on a new life. bad as it seems, demons are comfort zones, familiar territory. it's an identity see??
i am running out of reasons. thinking has not been therapeutic. it only made me feel dumber by the second. i read other people's blog and gawk at their finesse and ability to chronicle their day to day lives in such an intelligent and lofty manner. all i can manage is a shitty summary of how shitty i have been feeling. my swearing has grown refined, thanks to blogging.
i find it strange that my classmates don't blog. my cousin's classmates blog all the time. i dunno, i just noticed that right now. shitty, i know.
now that i have a name, we try to delve into the reasons as to why i feel shitty all the time. i came up with a couple of answers:
1. it's all about classes-- i pay P30,000 per sem and all i get is shitty classes. shitty= dumb, gay teachers.
2.falling out with old friends...-- i blame myself for this. my personality is a complex one, and even i don't understand the prima donna b*tch. all i can say is that i wished i had placed more efforts in maintaining my relationships with friends. it hurts me bad to see me and monique drifting apart. not that we hate each other, mind. it's just that she has a new circle of friends and i don't. i feel jealous everytime she goes out with her friends. i guess i keep on remembering the times when we used to go out. i want to get her attention sometimes, but i feel like a complete idiot. i am starting to sound positively lesbo here...0_o'
3. ...and falling in with new ones-- kill me, then. i have a tendency of withdrawing back when things get too cozy and close. it feels soooo...cheesy. cottage cheese. the risk of putting yourself out there, of sharing an identity with someone else, of being typecasted into one group...that pisses me off for some reason. which makes me understand why i still have no boyfriend after two decades in this world.
4. senior blues-- i should say, yey i am a senior! instead i say, God!...i've been ranting about my love-hate relationship with nursing for the past 4 years that i'll stop and just shoot myself.
5. suicidal tendencies-- don't call the cops. nobody takes me seriously anyway. nope, i'm a passive suicide idealist *idealist??WTF??* and it means that i think about death and dying a lot, but i don't make plans to kill myself. i don't think i'll make a lovely corpse.
6.hypochondriac-- human beings are proud of their flaws. often, they'd rather stick with their crippling and debilitating demons than take on a new life. bad as it seems, demons are comfort zones, familiar territory. it's an identity see??
i am running out of reasons. thinking has not been therapeutic. it only made me feel dumber by the second. i read other people's blog and gawk at their finesse and ability to chronicle their day to day lives in such an intelligent and lofty manner. all i can manage is a shitty summary of how shitty i have been feeling. my swearing has grown refined, thanks to blogging.
i find it strange that my classmates don't blog. my cousin's classmates blog all the time. i dunno, i just noticed that right now. shitty, i know.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
years
i am getting old...
last night, we held our club's commitment night. it's an annual event, and in my 3 years of being a psalmista, i have always attended this event, as a participant. this year, however, i went in as an organizer. and it has taken its toll on my frayed nerves.
most new members were freshmen and sophomores. hyper is an understatement, manic is more like it. i watched their activities with ambivalence, fond and happy but at the same time annoyed and irritated. as i said, it does not take a big thing to irritate me. i find that the little things irritate me most, like when somebody talks to loud or acts girly. i know, God help me.
the fact remained that i felt completely out of place. granted, i am not that old but i felt i was a good 20 years older than my age, the way i acted. i have never been comfortable with a large group of people, much more young people. how in earth am i suppose to engage them in genuine conversation where they won't be secretly wishing me to roll over and die?
after the opening programs, we had some games and i sat out. not good for my bones. and yes, i thought it was extremely cheesy. i am seriously thinking of kicking my own ass for being so...so..so...uhm..difficult.
sleep time came, and all were huddled together in classic-slumber party style, where girls divulge their secrets and boys get to be boys. seriously, i have outgrown that phase as well, and i never liked the talking part anyway. i can't relate to their stories. i felt waaay too old to be part of their group. sure, seniority has its advantages, but not at that time.especially when you easily get bored with talks of boys, ghosts and boys.don't get me wrong, their good kids. i'm just too old.
i wanted to have an intelligent conversation with someone, someone who could talk sensibly and preferably in tagalog not in english, because for me, english outside the classroom is irritating to my ears. i wished for someone who could sit still and share some moments of silence. i found two or three but i got bored. to say that i was more intelligent than them is pompous. but that's what i felt. too intelligent for them, too complicated.
unlike them, i am not simple-minded. sometimes but not often, because i get angry with myself. as i curled all alone last night, at an early hour while all were still up and talking, i wished for the old days of commitment night. egotistical as it may seem, i wanted to have the attention to myself and be the baby of the group, as i was before now. previously, i got to be pampered, spoiled rotten by my seniors, and my aunt pointed out that i always wanted to be with older people. it's the attention that fuels this desire. it is gratifying to be appreciated for who you are.
that's what i tried to do to the new members. to make them feel welcomed and appreciated. but 3 sentences of short talk is my limit and i ended up fumbling with the pillow, mumbling incoherently. i looked like an idiot, when i wanted to prove that i was intelligent beyond my years.
i retired to bed early. boredom, exhaustion and my age made me do it.
i am getting old.
last night, we held our club's commitment night. it's an annual event, and in my 3 years of being a psalmista, i have always attended this event, as a participant. this year, however, i went in as an organizer. and it has taken its toll on my frayed nerves.
most new members were freshmen and sophomores. hyper is an understatement, manic is more like it. i watched their activities with ambivalence, fond and happy but at the same time annoyed and irritated. as i said, it does not take a big thing to irritate me. i find that the little things irritate me most, like when somebody talks to loud or acts girly. i know, God help me.
the fact remained that i felt completely out of place. granted, i am not that old but i felt i was a good 20 years older than my age, the way i acted. i have never been comfortable with a large group of people, much more young people. how in earth am i suppose to engage them in genuine conversation where they won't be secretly wishing me to roll over and die?
after the opening programs, we had some games and i sat out. not good for my bones. and yes, i thought it was extremely cheesy. i am seriously thinking of kicking my own ass for being so...so..so...uhm..difficult.
sleep time came, and all were huddled together in classic-slumber party style, where girls divulge their secrets and boys get to be boys. seriously, i have outgrown that phase as well, and i never liked the talking part anyway. i can't relate to their stories. i felt waaay too old to be part of their group. sure, seniority has its advantages, but not at that time.especially when you easily get bored with talks of boys, ghosts and boys.don't get me wrong, their good kids. i'm just too old.
i wanted to have an intelligent conversation with someone, someone who could talk sensibly and preferably in tagalog not in english, because for me, english outside the classroom is irritating to my ears. i wished for someone who could sit still and share some moments of silence. i found two or three but i got bored. to say that i was more intelligent than them is pompous. but that's what i felt. too intelligent for them, too complicated.
unlike them, i am not simple-minded. sometimes but not often, because i get angry with myself. as i curled all alone last night, at an early hour while all were still up and talking, i wished for the old days of commitment night. egotistical as it may seem, i wanted to have the attention to myself and be the baby of the group, as i was before now. previously, i got to be pampered, spoiled rotten by my seniors, and my aunt pointed out that i always wanted to be with older people. it's the attention that fuels this desire. it is gratifying to be appreciated for who you are.
that's what i tried to do to the new members. to make them feel welcomed and appreciated. but 3 sentences of short talk is my limit and i ended up fumbling with the pillow, mumbling incoherently. i looked like an idiot, when i wanted to prove that i was intelligent beyond my years.
i retired to bed early. boredom, exhaustion and my age made me do it.
i am getting old.
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