After

Hum, I am working. Scratch that. I am supposed to be working. But I am not. I can't. I shan't.

But eventually I will.

I printed some letters, but I haven't mailed them. I sorted through files, but I haven't arranged them.

The only productive thing I did this morning was to switch on the wireless network accidentally. Bah.

Holidays!

All that hype for just one night. Hunh. In a few hours, Christmas is over, and I might just weep :/

Firstly, my prediction of not receiving any of those brightly wrapped packages came true. Okay, semi-true. I got a total of 3 gifts, specifically: undies, a necklace and a towel. Good haul this year! Seriously. Hey, at least I'm remembered.

The gifts I doled out were appreciated, which made me quite the happy Santa. Lance liked his Spiderman pillow and watch (I think). Remind me to pay for that watch, by the way. Justin had his John Cena shirt and Naruto figurine, Mikko his Bleach set. I loved those gifts myself, so I was pretty sure they would have a good reception.

Normally, Christmas would just mean food and gifts, but this year, we had...KARAOKE!! Yeah, thank God for Magic Sing.

By noon, standard singing fare were those songs whose notes are still inaccessible in the normal, human world. Big hit for me: singing Alone, original singer unknown, a Celine Dion revival. Midway through it, I swear I could feel my stomach muscles shaking. If there was ever a time that I sang like Steve Tyler of Aerosmith fame, this was IT. All for 50 bucks!

Anyway, this Magic Sing is a sneaky and cheating karaoke. It never sticks to 100 points, no matter how I scream. Feh, it doesn't dole out hundred g's on principle.

Big suprise-seroo. I haven't watched a single anime show during the Christmas break, unless you count the Full Metal Alchemist marathon last weekend. Must be the reason why I am so sleepy this week.

The 25th hasn't ended yet, but I am having hangovers. Brrr. Work awaits tomorrow, but I am lazy. If it weren't for my downloads, I shan't be going anymores. And yeah, my bonus (!!!); I have yet to receive it. Dang, dang, dang!

I have pictures by the way, but no way to upload them. My blasted memory card won't fit the reader slot, so I forced it into the laptop's reader, which was a bloody, stupid idea. I pushed the card all the way inside and behold, it got stuck. I shook and cursed to no avail. I got a nail file, and, poof! levered the card outside. Lesson: Never shove a card up a laptop when it won't fit. And keep a handy nail file! It's not just for hygiene!

Yeah, so, all in all, a good Christmas.

Can't wait for the New Year.

Ima go and eat dinner again. Meh is hungry.

On the Avatar Part 1

Am I the only one who's <<<<<3 Prince Zuko?? Teh prince is hawt.

I am not in the position to write anything else but the aforementioned statement. I got noodles for brains.

Will elaborate after Christmas season.

Gloomy

Yar. Despite the Christmas season, there's a definite drop in my spirits as December flies off. More accurately, I'm feeling execcesively bored this season; nothing to look forward to, really, with my friends abandoning me and stuff. Thank God for teh internet.

I finished my Christmas shopping; take note that I bought nothing for myself. Sigh. I am at an age where I do the giving rather than the receiving. I'm guessing that nobody's going to give me any pwesents this 25th. I curse the day I became an adult!

So yeah, I'm super bored. I don't even have the gusto to do my job. And to think I agreed to another 6 months here. I mean, the job's ok and all. Usually, I have to organize stuff and call people up. Then, there's research proposals and scary bosses. On the other hand, UNLIMITED internet connection. Hmmmm. Thanks to that, I have dloaded lots of nifty stuff online. On the other hand, the unlimited dloads were the main reason why the MAIN computer CRASHED. Dang. Now, I do stuff on the office laptop. Lovely, really, since I get to take this baby home and watch DVDs till the wee hours of dawn. Brrr. I am in a love/hate relationship with my job.

Yesterday, the office had a Christmas fellowship of sorts at Mang Inasal, courtesy of the gift tickets I wangled from the manager during my sponsorship-hunting days. Technically, them gift certs are for the competition on February 22, but the management did not seem to mind. We had bbq chicken, fried kangkong (read: kangkoooooong!!!) and sinigang laced with too much Aji-stuff. Talk was mostly machismo stuff. I tuned out early, since I was too sleepy (blame it on the Avatar marathon the night before). Breakfast today was fried chicken. I felt like throwing up.

I have this thing about myself. I think I am too timid, to the point that it's pathologic. Anyway, shan't elaborate on this one. I'll be musing on it during Christmas and New Year. New Year Resolution: Be BOSSY!!

Cheerios.

Winter 2008

Blurb shamelessly stolen from the AA forums :3

Winter preview 2008

I'm going for Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, the second season. I am only hoping that for this season, subs will come out regularly. Also, Mnemosyne. One look at the picture and trailer, and my interest is more than quipped.

I'm looking forward to a great season of anime this 2008. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

From scratch

Wow, it has been a while since I last posted. After browsing through my archives, the last post I had was posted way back college. 6 months is hardly way back, but it feels like I've been out of school for like forever.

Anyway, I'm pimping and polishing up this site again, starting today. I've arranged a few details, and I hope to add a few more. Given that I have internet connection during office hours, I just might be able to pull ressurecting this blog again.

To kick things off, a few updates:
1. I graduated already, last March 2007. Even though I ranted through my junior and senior years, I did graduate with Latin Honors (Cum Laude). I'm really happy about it.
2. I passed my nursing licensure exams last June 2007. I am now officially a nurse.
3. Though officially a nurse, I am not practicing yet. I am working as an administrative assistant of sorts in an NGO. I will continue doing so, until I am filthy rich!

Those are the only things of importance, I guess. Which goes to show, that I still have a pretty boring life.

Toodles.

reunions

i used to love reunions. give me the time and place and i'll be the first to arrive and the last to leave. now, however, i don't even know if giving an appearance is worth it.

i mean, if i'm going to appear in a reunion, i must have something to brag about. sad thing, i am absolutely the same, ever since i was in high school. same stoop, same sense of humor, same inferiority complex...all you have to do is to look at my old picture. i have yet to change my physical appearance with plastic surgery.

besides, i don't think people are actually glad to see me. personally, i am so dang happy to see them, i do cartwheels in my head. after a few experiences with reunions and gatherings, i realized, they had all moved on with their lives, while i struggled to remain the same. talk about betrayal or am i just exaggerating?

the thing is, i feel bad being left behind. i'm stuck in limbo, where i find that my sole purpose in life is to think what am i going to do the next day. and reunions, bringing with them their own hordes of success stories, is not the place where i'd choose to show my failures as a human being. i mean, i'd kill myself if i did that.

but the romantic in me is still very much alive. even though i feel as if i've been dropped and dissed by everyone, i still want to chat and talk, spend time with them and catch up with old times. the season does that to you. so, here i go. guiwan, here i come..

champions!!

sheesh, it's such a lame title, but that's the best that i can do now, so do cut me some slack. the point is, i am so freakin' happy that i am boring everyone to death with my stories of pre, intra and post championship experiences!

how sweet it is to snag gold when everybody expects otherwise. joining the futsal team for the fiesta of 2006 was a crazy idea me and rich concocted, with lots of delusions and no sense of reality whatsoever. i opted to go for volleyball, where at least i knew what i was doing, but i wanted something new. and my ego craved for attention.

at tryouts (was there a tryout??) i realized that we were super-'mongos'...i mean, come on! if we intended to take on the whole ateneo for futsal and have a fighting chance at..at..something...then we ought to have varsity players in our team. not quite for the nursing dudes. heh, the best we had were a month or so of basic training, which if you think about it long and hard, was chicken-shit compared with other teams who were practicing strategy instead of passing drills. lawd, what have i done...

and this ragtag bunch of inexperienced women came out on top! whew, the pressure on moi (i was goalie...people said i was good...actually, i almost died from a massive coronary facing accountancy...hehe...but i did good i guess....man, look at the score!) was so great i wanted to quit then and there. but i'm glad i didn't....truly a rag to riches to story...hehem in your fez!!! it feels so good, i just can't stop..

anyway, my congratulations and thanks....

to kayeh, for forcing us to join. she's my captain and my EIC
to richelle, for convincing me to go through with the madness
to carmie, for being such a great defender and for covering my ass everytime i fumble
to pompeyo and sir richter (and sir al, and everyonw who had pity on us), for the drills and the encouragement (yep, i can handle a ball very well now thank you) for coaching us and guiding us noobs to glory, for being there
to madeth and riza, for scoring thus eliminating the need for three kicks (if it did, you guys would be burying me right now)
to kaye, dixie, goyang, lj for being so cute that i could not leave the team even if i wanted to (perv!!!)
to all the teams who dissed us and made fun of us, for pissing me of that i did my best in blocking your every shot..haha...no seriously, thanks for the great game...karmaic retribution, that's what i call it
to the nursing div, as kayeh said, thanks for the 1ooo g's...it was great to know that you alloted a 100 pesos each for our uniforms, training practices, food, water, ride home, coach, shoes, panties, towels, candies, knee pads, barf bag and all that...
to the prodigy 07, for the support and cheers...it meant a lot!
to the seniors' booth, for allowing me to go on credit/utang after every game
to my fans, for admiring me (hehe)
to my mom, for not pulling me out of the team upon seeing me limp all tha way home and for putting oil on my bruises
and to God, for answering our prayers for glory!!!

*sings we are the champions for the nth time!*

now that i'm in my senior year on my final semester, i can't help but feel nostalgic about leaving the warm confines of college to become a full-fledged adult. the responsibilities of being one is daunting, especially when i will start working somewhere. now, i have my CI to blame, er, consult if i'm unsure. a few months from now, i'll be going solo. a few months more, i may be out of a job!!!

contemplating these things, i wondered what i would miss the most after i leave the ateneo. tops were: my weekly allowance, the library, my teachers....not!, the library, the soccer field, the library and the library...and oh, the library.

yes, the library, the first friendly institution that welcomed me into the academic womb that is the ateneo. it's the first and about the only thing that i brag about to my friends out in wmsu...and the ateneo fiesta too, but the library, with all its air-conditioned glamour elbows its way to the spotlight. i wonder what i would do without the library to house my sleepy carcass on extremely warm days.

most people think that i go to the library to worship my librarian and to read my daily dose of porn books (y'know, those books that have words like "unbridled passion" or "flaming romance" in their back cover summary), and they're absolutely right ^^ i do love my library (yes, i said my). it's the home to me as the canteen or the now nonexistent catwalk was the hotspot for others.

as i experienced on my first day back, an hour without the library leads me to semi-autism. i walked around town feeling lost, as if i actually lost one of my limbs just because the library was closed. seeing the lib closed is like the biggest shock of my life. i can see the computer center closed or the sanggu closed, but my good old dependable lib??!! never!!?? now i know what an amputee feels like.

now that my days of frolicking between the rows of books are over, i'm spending as much time now in the lib, just absorbing the cool air and raising electricity bills. i used to hide books before, but now i have changed my mind. someone has yet to return anne rice's works and it is deriving me of my usual doses of porn! whoever you are, blast you, you infidel!unhand those books i say!release them!!!

the 9th symphony

i've taken the habit of humming beethoven's 9th symphony when i am either embarassed or pressured into thinking really hard. the loudness and intensity depends upon the gravity and severity of the situation.

i found this habit strange since i was not weaned on mozart and beethoven. my auditory finesse is limited to whatever the neighbors play (from renz verano to disturbed) for the day. in fact, i only knew that the song that has the lyrics "joyful, joyful we adore thee..." was the 9th symphony when i heard it being played over an anime called the "gunslinger girl". so far, i have heard the master's composition in movies like mr. jones (a movie about bipolar disorder), matchpoint (a woody allen film, with scarlett johanson...'nuff said), cruel intentions (with sarah michelle gellar and ryan philippe) and another anime called read or die (about books and paper). whatever the reason, i find humming the music a stress-buster, be it before, during or after an exam. other than that, i do it to annoy my seatmate. effective, but still strange.

until i learned from friends that my father loves singing the star-spangled banner during his operations.

it's genetic.

spot the difference

spot the difference....

20 for 48 hours

i turned 20 last sunday, 8:15 pm.

yipee..

me and my mouth

i just had to open my mouth.

last week, i commented on how boring life can be when you're in senior year. no cram exams, no systems to memorize, no diseases to familiarize, no freshies and sophies to terrorize...er, how did that get in? >.>

anyway, i think the nursing gods heard me and decided to teach me a lesson. this week i have to complete 2 presentations, pass 2 exams, prepare one mega-kick ass report for mood disorder, submit misc. items for the clubs i'm in and participate in an extempo contest. jeepney rides home finds me zoned out and completely stoned. i can't wait for the week to end. then again, i'm turning 20 by the end of the week. rashhamfrasshammassham!!

rly, i think i've bitten off more than i can chew.

random thoughtlessness

i have a tendency to forget my thoughts real quick, so i wrote some of them on a piece of paper during pharma class. here they are:

i hate to lose
i'm scared of failing
i don't want to die poor

i think my classmates hate me for my study habits. not that i have any. what irritates them the most would probably be when our grades are pretty much at par with each other, after they slaved over their 11-lb notes while i skimmed over my notebook. the sadist part in me rejoices; i find great satisfaction in beating out the nerds! fwe, i know it's pathetic but spare me a thought. it's about the only way that i can get any self-esteem >.<

no matter what other people may say, i am not totally scare-free. i still get cold feet when discussion turns toward our grades. syet. as much as i love college, i'd hate to stay another year. i have a record to protect. it's an average record, but even an average is better than a nothing.

i got posted in the school clinic for duty. nothing serious, except for grade school kids getting in a serious lot of mishaps and troubles. how many headaches can one tolerate?? other than an ulterior motive, like being excused from an extremely boring class (oh, purleaze. this is grade school..not college ^^), i am lead to believe that our grade schoolers are world-class klutz-es and immune deficient in some way. not all clientele were kulit kids. service staff also came in to avail the free albeit meager services the clinic offered. it made me think of how their life is, especially that of a breadwinner who works the skin of his bones as a janitor in Ateneo. does he get jealous when he sees the spoiled, rich kids, spoiling away their moolahs, while he toils for some of it?? i got depressed dwelling on it. to be born poor and to die poor. this world is too cruel.

in the news

our EIC decided to give us permanent 'niches' to work on so that data gathering will be easier. i chose to work under national issues, which i realize now was a really stupid move since i don't read newspapers, much less actually care to know what happens to my beloved yet sinking-in-elephant-turd country, the Philippines. i don't like news. i am a firm believer in the adage that no news is good news.

if you live in the same place as me, then skip this paragraph. obviously, there is no need for me to elaborate our political situation. but for purposes of clarification for the author herself, i shall try to discuss the state of my country. it's in deep shit.

and so am i, unless i find my national news issue to be passed by Tuesday.

i have claimed the job of wading knee-deep in national issues which are usually shitty and emerge from my escapade unscathed, with a clear view of what the news means. i do not mean to be so negative about it; it just can't be helped. on the positive side, i guess i'll be more alert and up-to-date with the going-ons around here. perhaps that will cure my opinion-less lifestyle.

i'm starting to develop tha habit of reading newspapers when i get in the Beacon office. thankfully, the school provides us with the latest newspapers, 2 national and 1 local paper.i don't bother with the local papers; a campus journalist could do articles and layouting better than they do. my favorite reads will have to be the Inquirer's opinion page, especially Randy David's and Patricia Evangelista's columns, the former helping me understand the issues better and clearer while the latter allows me to marvel at the brilliance and brains of today's Filipino youth. too bad their government fails them in so many ways.

i'll be doing my job right if i watch the news and read the papers. i think i'll be enjoying it too.

i just wish i still had social studies class. perhaps i can dazzle them with my newfound passion for the papers.

teh midterms

prepare to meet thy doom!!! midterms is here!!

it's tomorrow for Pete's sake! tomorrow! and what am i doing? logging on the internet, relying on divine intervention for my academic salvation.

this is no way to survive school, but i have been doing it for so long that it actually works. oh, i want to kill myself sometimes for goofing off on such an easy question, but since i usually pass my exam, the urge to hang myself by my thumbs (hmmm, will that actually kill me?) simply disappears.

speaking of urges, my urge to study is completely in snooze mode. it does not help that i only have 20 or so pages worth of written lecture when photocopied lectures reach around, oh say, 50-70 pages. this is suicide, dude. i do have a decent memory, but it is only good on a short-term basis. everything i studied for the past weeks for my quizzes have leaked out and i have to start from scratch.

anyway, here's to hoping myself a good midterms. not that i'm looking forward to facing it.

this sucks soooo much.

oh well.

<3

words for the week

use these words in complete sentences:
1. uber
2. toinks
3. ryu!
4. jopeks
5. blue chicken barbecue

the true learnings in college. this week, these words have been going out of my mouth real often. i don't know why i bothered to put it up here. i guess i'm just proud for adding 5 new words to my diminishing vocab.

anyway for the challenge. allow me.

1. uber
i have no idea what this means but i think it's super. got that word from philo class when we passed nietzche.

" i think spike spiegel is uber-cool (complete with drool and winking effect for drama and authenticity)"

2. toinks
a sound effect to signify that i have turd for brains

"they don't change jah, they simply adapt"

(mimicking a pan hitting my head) "oh. toinks!"

3. ryu!
a swear word that is made beautiful by a distinct chavacano accent

"ryu!!"

note: you can add more expletives for your convenience

4. jopeks
a nickname of someone whose true name is too short

"hoy jopkes! i can't see you! haha!"

5. blue chicken barbecue
the end result of a communication drill, when one's team are hard of hearing and low in logic

"blue chicken barbecue? WTF?"

note: though it celebrates our idiocy, the motto above has become our unofficial class chant.

timing

life is all about timing.

take, for example, my recent absent-spree (dumdumdumdum....thus, it begins) from school and duty. to absent from one's duty for reasons other than world destruction and alien invasion is nothing short of sacrilege in nursing. however, with skill, tenacity and lots of luck (plus an extensive knowledge on your clinical instructor's habits), one can get away with nothing more than headaches for staying in bed for 8 hours straight.

back to my absent-spree. my system went down because of the flu. it lasted approximately for a day but i consider it a waste if i don't milk it for what it's worth. >.>

rash decisions always make me nervous and thus, on my return to academic civilization, i was on pins and needles all day. 12 hours of duty is no small thing, and although i am cool with the idea of payback, conscience has a way of making me feel guilty of time lost and wasted (well, not exactly. i did manage to watch 16 episodes of the 26-episode anime series i had stashed hidden in my room).

i half decided to go MIA for a week straight but decided to ask mom about it.

"mom, i still feel bad"

"don't go to school then"

"but i don't have my fever anymore"

"hmmm.."

"there might be a quiz"

"then go"

"but i still feel bad"

"then don't go"

honestly, i realy wished she just told me to shut up and drag my lazy ass to school. it's her way of developing in me good decision making skills.way to late in my humble opinion. i am officially a dependent, lazy pervert with no ambition except to finish school and land a job. >.<>.>

haha, my groupmates wanted to kill me right then and there.
like i said..timing is everything.

inside somebody else's mind

the pinnacle of my nursing days...to be assigned in the famed ward 9.

i always made it a point to avoid passing ward 9 during my duties in the hospital. although i know for a fact that madness is not communicable, i was still scared shitless that by some cosmic anomaly (more like punishment and damnation) would fall on me and i'd be a looney for the rest of my life.

you'd have thought that we were lathered with glue, the way me and my groupmates stuck together on our first day in the war zone. you would too, when the patients would swarm around you, touching your shoulder and staring at you as if you were an exhibit in a museum chronicling the saga of human madness. one guy touched my arm and started raving about my braces. soon everyone was raving about my braces. the number of times i had to smile in that ward...

the thing about being in the ward is that you become unsure of yourself. it takes a toll on you, emotionally and physically, to be inside that ward since you have to keep reminding yourself that you are sane and that they aren't. you're suppose to guide them back to reality, not encourage their delusions and imagination. but then, guiding these people back to reality is tough. constant reminder of who you are and where you are, are essential in keeping yourself normal for the first few hours inside. the temptation to let go and pretend, that yes, kissing everyone on the first meeting, is very strong.

part of the routine in the ward is to take care of your patient's hygiene. yes, hygiene. when the mind goes, everything else follows. personality, hygiene and clothes...off, then gone. thankfully, my patient was well enough to do hygiene herself...i just had to supervise and remind her of some things but other than that i had it easy in the ward. after all, my friends had to spend at least 30 minutes inside the makeshift bathroom with their patients stripping and bathing.

as the hours go by, apprehension soon wears off and appreciation settles in. by appreciation, i mean that we start to see theory in action. discussions inside the room are seen in the patients' behaviour; not that we learn that much in the classroom, mind.

there are some exasparating moments--they are crazy after all, but an experience inside ward 9 can be surreal. i was unnerved by the fact that most of them knew that they were crazy and why they were there. if a person can tell you frankly that she's crazy, then is she really crazy? they were not the picture that we often see in television or read in books. true that some go berserk and have to be isolated, but most are, well, normal to say the least. how do you then classify crazy?? >.>

some moments are touching. once an inmate went nuts and started stripping inside the cell. when this happens you just don't walk up the cell and talk to the guy; you run (for the duration of my duty, i was scared...all the time...). on and on he went, screaming, begging, prostrating himself on the cold floor. unexpectedly, it was another inmate who managed to calm him down. she went by the door and started cooing and stroking the old man's face. soon, his screams subsided. frankly, i was amazed. it seems that even though their sanity is gone, the essence of being human is still within the recesses of their minds. that need to comfort and be comforted is there, existing, thriving and yearning...no sane person dared do that. one insane inmate did. in that aspect of caring, they are better than most sane people i know.

socialization came in on our last day. hah! amazing how these people love to sing old Tagalog ballads, to the point that i was on the brink of stupor and sleep--a no no in ward 9. they dance too--shuffling is more like it. games are carefully planned. you don't want these people arguing over who should win or lose now, don't you? in the karaoke session, my microphone gets handled by more than one inmate. not to be prejudiced or anything, but rumors of tuberculosis are present inside the ward (as told to me by one inmate) so i kept my microphone sealed inside the cellophane when i came home. i plan to dump it in hot water. hopefully, nobody at home will miss it.

chicken wars

we have a boarder in our house. he's a selfish, self-centered cock...i like the way you think, but this time, i mean a literal cock...a chicken boarder.

it all began when my mom decided to purchase two bantam chickens (those tiny, white ones), with dreams of farm land bliss and paradise (meaning: free eggs, milk, cheese, dairy products....hehe). for a while, i was the official chicken-babysitter. i had to tag along two animals whose purpose in life is to peck anything that stands still for approximately 0.5 seconds.

then came the cock, er, the other chicken (he's a big, black one), set free from the city life's boredom and captivity. i realized that chickens are territorial. understandably, the newcomer was shy and 'hangul' (my mom's flowers were facing armaggeddon), while the bantam male was all puffed-up with his alpha-male ego. the white chick pecked and chased the black chick everytime he had the chance, forcing the black chick to run for cover and follow timidly behind. no amount of shooing and scolding could change the white chick's superior view.

for a time, the black one accepted the hitler-like regime of the bantam couple, until he found the greener grass beyond our fence. our neighbor owned a dozen or so black chickens (ugly ones, i tell you), and he found his people. everyday, he would make the trip outside the fence and would spend hours doing..well, doing what chickens do. the excursions would last for an hour and soon extended for the whole day.

the black chick would soon go home only for food and sleep time...very much like a boarder....very much like my brother...hehe...but that's another story.

so, he's the boarder that gone's before the sun rises and comes back way after midnight. i'd like to scold the cock once in a while, but that is taking it to far. for the record, i have not named the chicken, thus preventing any personal and emotional bond with it. in the end, boarder or not, a cock is still a cock c: