Sturm und drang

I've always believed in my ability to stare into the eyes of the deadline monster, make it back off and crap itself. Unfortunately, the head honcho of all deadline monsters decided that enough was enough. The ickle beasties came back with a vengeance and totally obliterated my pride into pixie dust. I'm waging a losing battle, my report already settling on its 2nd day as an overdue and pending failure.

I've always been particular with meeting deadlines. My English teacher in high school ingrained in me my future work habit with her philosophy: I don't care how you do it or when you do it. Just as long as you have it when I ask for it. Campus journalism at its coolest.

At work, I carried this philosophy to heart. My bosses know better than to bother me with futile requests for updates. I'd lounge all week before getting into frenzied action, but I always manage to deliver so, no harm done.

Modesty aside, I have not missed a single deadline prior to this failure. Nuh-uh. Never mind that I sometimes submit my report at 11:59 in the evening. The point is, it got there a minute earlier and not a minute later.

It's official. Deadline is here to bite my ass.

I don't know what happened to me this time, though. I guess one can blame the amount of stress I had last month as the reason for the gaping hole in my brain. I can blame the rotating power interruptions for breaking my work momentum. All valid reasons, but in the end, I blame myself for lacking the discipline to see my assignments through the day. I rely too much on procrastination-induced adrenaline to come up with thinly disguised bullshit to pad out my assignments.

No more of this. Beginning today, here's the new world order, so brain, shut up and pay attention:

• Lessen internet hours. Surfing, games and movies will be limited to at least two hours of your 8-hour working day
• Once you have an assignment, start on it. RIGHT AWAY. No more tomorrow bullshit from you.
  
• Articles for editing can only sit with you for a maximum of two days. Chop them fast and quick, then it's off to delivery
• Go to work earlier. Take advantage of the morning peace to work on your stuff
• Run maintenance on your computer. You can't keep blaming it for being slothful all the time without you doing something about it
• Avoid bring home tasks. You're suppose to do work at the work place, not at home.
• Try beating you past performance. Dazzle the bosses even more
• WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STILL BLOGGING? FINISH THE DAMN REPORT ALREADY!!
  

In search of glory and honor, we walk in the garden of his turbulence

Being a pessimist has its benefits – it keeps you on your toes, gives you that extra eye for details. Tomorrow at work, all hell breaks lose, with all the bosses present, and with barely a week left for preparations, before we leave for Manila for a major event.

Truth to tell, I’m catatonic with fright. I’m already steeling myself for a bloody week, where my nose will be rubbed raw from all the grinding I’m expecting to take. My apprehension is more on the fact that I can’t seem to pull myself together for work, no matter how much I try to psych myself out, no matter how many post-its I leave on my desk, no matter how long I stay on my workstation, compulsively opening and saving files.

It’s as if my system has gone into hibernation, to prepare myself from the physical backlash that awaits me in the coming days. While I wallow in the calm that is before the storm, I list, rune and muse the things that need to be done, things that I should be doing instead of wiling my time away on movies, online frivolity and general fluff. I’m trying to change, but I’m big on procrastination and cramming.

And I can’t relax unless I’m on the same wavelength of hectic-ness as everyone else. I’ve got a list of things to do, and unless I can scratch some of them out, I’m a ticking timer on a countdown to hysteria. I can’t relax if everyone is busy and I’m not. I’m a dog with a serious case of flea infestation if I finish a job earlier than everyone else because I tend to believe in the adage that if you found something easy to do, you probably did it wrong.

I wish I can just sleep and wake up to find my deadlines and tasks done and over with. I want to do without this pressure, the feeling of air being sucked out of a room, leaving you in a vacuum void of anything but woe and bleak horizons. But if that were the case, how am I supposed to splurge in Manila next week? Every cloud has a silver lining. Mine is National Bookstore and Comic Alley. Hurhur.

I’m trying not to think of what will happen tomorrow, the day after that, the week after February. After all, I can’t change anything. And as what I’ve learned in OT last Saturday, there’s nothing you can do unless people learn the courtesy of replying to emails prompt and early.

Tonight, I pray for the Lord to take this nagging feeling from me, and as the prayer goes, to give me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change. I ask for Him to ease my worries, to find joy and satisfaction in a thorough job done. I’ll ask for a good night sleep, for a sound mind and a fit body tomorrow.

I’ll run through the forest to bury the acorn and forget.