life is all about timing.
take, for example, my recent absent-spree (dumdumdumdum....thus, it begins) from school and duty. to absent from one's duty for reasons other than world destruction and alien invasion is nothing short of sacrilege in nursing. however, with skill, tenacity and lots of luck (plus an extensive knowledge on your clinical instructor's habits), one can get away with nothing more than headaches for staying in bed for 8 hours straight.
back to my absent-spree. my system went down because of the flu. it lasted approximately for a day but i consider it a waste if i don't milk it for what it's worth. >.>
rash decisions always make me nervous and thus, on my return to academic civilization, i was on pins and needles all day. 12 hours of duty is no small thing, and although i am cool with the idea of payback, conscience has a way of making me feel guilty of time lost and wasted (well, not exactly. i did manage to watch 16 episodes of the 26-episode anime series i had stashed hidden in my room).
i half decided to go MIA for a week straight but decided to ask mom about it.
"mom, i still feel bad"
"don't go to school then"
"but i don't have my fever anymore"
"hmmm.."
"there might be a quiz"
"then go"
"but i still feel bad"
"then don't go"
honestly, i realy wished she just told me to shut up and drag my lazy ass to school. it's her way of developing in me good decision making skills.way to late in my humble opinion. i am officially a dependent, lazy pervert with no ambition except to finish school and land a job. >.<>.>
haha, my groupmates wanted to kill me right then and there.
like i said..timing is everything.
Friday, August 04, 2006
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
inside somebody else's mind
the pinnacle of my nursing days...to be assigned in the famed ward 9.
i always made it a point to avoid passing ward 9 during my duties in the hospital. although i know for a fact that madness is not communicable, i was still scared shitless that by some cosmic anomaly (more like punishment and damnation) would fall on me and i'd be a looney for the rest of my life.
you'd have thought that we were lathered with glue, the way me and my groupmates stuck together on our first day in the war zone. you would too, when the patients would swarm around you, touching your shoulder and staring at you as if you were an exhibit in a museum chronicling the saga of human madness. one guy touched my arm and started raving about my braces. soon everyone was raving about my braces. the number of times i had to smile in that ward...
the thing about being in the ward is that you become unsure of yourself. it takes a toll on you, emotionally and physically, to be inside that ward since you have to keep reminding yourself that you are sane and that they aren't. you're suppose to guide them back to reality, not encourage their delusions and imagination. but then, guiding these people back to reality is tough. constant reminder of who you are and where you are, are essential in keeping yourself normal for the first few hours inside. the temptation to let go and pretend, that yes, kissing everyone on the first meeting, is very strong.
part of the routine in the ward is to take care of your patient's hygiene. yes, hygiene. when the mind goes, everything else follows. personality, hygiene and clothes...off, then gone. thankfully, my patient was well enough to do hygiene herself...i just had to supervise and remind her of some things but other than that i had it easy in the ward. after all, my friends had to spend at least 30 minutes inside the makeshift bathroom with their patients stripping and bathing.
as the hours go by, apprehension soon wears off and appreciation settles in. by appreciation, i mean that we start to see theory in action. discussions inside the room are seen in the patients' behaviour; not that we learn that much in the classroom, mind.
there are some exasparating moments--they are crazy after all, but an experience inside ward 9 can be surreal. i was unnerved by the fact that most of them knew that they were crazy and why they were there. if a person can tell you frankly that she's crazy, then is she really crazy? they were not the picture that we often see in television or read in books. true that some go berserk and have to be isolated, but most are, well, normal to say the least. how do you then classify crazy?? >.>
some moments are touching. once an inmate went nuts and started stripping inside the cell. when this happens you just don't walk up the cell and talk to the guy; you run (for the duration of my duty, i was scared...all the time...). on and on he went, screaming, begging, prostrating himself on the cold floor. unexpectedly, it was another inmate who managed to calm him down. she went by the door and started cooing and stroking the old man's face. soon, his screams subsided. frankly, i was amazed. it seems that even though their sanity is gone, the essence of being human is still within the recesses of their minds. that need to comfort and be comforted is there, existing, thriving and yearning...no sane person dared do that. one insane inmate did. in that aspect of caring, they are better than most sane people i know.
socialization came in on our last day. hah! amazing how these people love to sing old Tagalog ballads, to the point that i was on the brink of stupor and sleep--a no no in ward 9. they dance too--shuffling is more like it. games are carefully planned. you don't want these people arguing over who should win or lose now, don't you? in the karaoke session, my microphone gets handled by more than one inmate. not to be prejudiced or anything, but rumors of tuberculosis are present inside the ward (as told to me by one inmate) so i kept my microphone sealed inside the cellophane when i came home. i plan to dump it in hot water. hopefully, nobody at home will miss it.
i always made it a point to avoid passing ward 9 during my duties in the hospital. although i know for a fact that madness is not communicable, i was still scared shitless that by some cosmic anomaly (more like punishment and damnation) would fall on me and i'd be a looney for the rest of my life.
you'd have thought that we were lathered with glue, the way me and my groupmates stuck together on our first day in the war zone. you would too, when the patients would swarm around you, touching your shoulder and staring at you as if you were an exhibit in a museum chronicling the saga of human madness. one guy touched my arm and started raving about my braces. soon everyone was raving about my braces. the number of times i had to smile in that ward...
the thing about being in the ward is that you become unsure of yourself. it takes a toll on you, emotionally and physically, to be inside that ward since you have to keep reminding yourself that you are sane and that they aren't. you're suppose to guide them back to reality, not encourage their delusions and imagination. but then, guiding these people back to reality is tough. constant reminder of who you are and where you are, are essential in keeping yourself normal for the first few hours inside. the temptation to let go and pretend, that yes, kissing everyone on the first meeting, is very strong.
part of the routine in the ward is to take care of your patient's hygiene. yes, hygiene. when the mind goes, everything else follows. personality, hygiene and clothes...off, then gone. thankfully, my patient was well enough to do hygiene herself...i just had to supervise and remind her of some things but other than that i had it easy in the ward. after all, my friends had to spend at least 30 minutes inside the makeshift bathroom with their patients stripping and bathing.
as the hours go by, apprehension soon wears off and appreciation settles in. by appreciation, i mean that we start to see theory in action. discussions inside the room are seen in the patients' behaviour; not that we learn that much in the classroom, mind.
there are some exasparating moments--they are crazy after all, but an experience inside ward 9 can be surreal. i was unnerved by the fact that most of them knew that they were crazy and why they were there. if a person can tell you frankly that she's crazy, then is she really crazy? they were not the picture that we often see in television or read in books. true that some go berserk and have to be isolated, but most are, well, normal to say the least. how do you then classify crazy?? >.>
some moments are touching. once an inmate went nuts and started stripping inside the cell. when this happens you just don't walk up the cell and talk to the guy; you run (for the duration of my duty, i was scared...all the time...). on and on he went, screaming, begging, prostrating himself on the cold floor. unexpectedly, it was another inmate who managed to calm him down. she went by the door and started cooing and stroking the old man's face. soon, his screams subsided. frankly, i was amazed. it seems that even though their sanity is gone, the essence of being human is still within the recesses of their minds. that need to comfort and be comforted is there, existing, thriving and yearning...no sane person dared do that. one insane inmate did. in that aspect of caring, they are better than most sane people i know.
socialization came in on our last day. hah! amazing how these people love to sing old Tagalog ballads, to the point that i was on the brink of stupor and sleep--a no no in ward 9. they dance too--shuffling is more like it. games are carefully planned. you don't want these people arguing over who should win or lose now, don't you? in the karaoke session, my microphone gets handled by more than one inmate. not to be prejudiced or anything, but rumors of tuberculosis are present inside the ward (as told to me by one inmate) so i kept my microphone sealed inside the cellophane when i came home. i plan to dump it in hot water. hopefully, nobody at home will miss it.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
chicken wars
we have a boarder in our house. he's a selfish, self-centered cock...i like the way you think, but this time, i mean a literal cock...a chicken boarder.
it all began when my mom decided to purchase two bantam chickens (those tiny, white ones), with dreams of farm land bliss and paradise (meaning: free eggs, milk, cheese, dairy products....hehe). for a while, i was the official chicken-babysitter. i had to tag along two animals whose purpose in life is to peck anything that stands still for approximately 0.5 seconds.
then came the cock, er, the other chicken (he's a big, black one), set free from the city life's boredom and captivity. i realized that chickens are territorial. understandably, the newcomer was shy and 'hangul' (my mom's flowers were facing armaggeddon), while the bantam male was all puffed-up with his alpha-male ego. the white chick pecked and chased the black chick everytime he had the chance, forcing the black chick to run for cover and follow timidly behind. no amount of shooing and scolding could change the white chick's superior view.
for a time, the black one accepted the hitler-like regime of the bantam couple, until he found the greener grass beyond our fence. our neighbor owned a dozen or so black chickens (ugly ones, i tell you), and he found his people. everyday, he would make the trip outside the fence and would spend hours doing..well, doing what chickens do. the excursions would last for an hour and soon extended for the whole day.
the black chick would soon go home only for food and sleep time...very much like a boarder....very much like my brother...hehe...but that's another story.
so, he's the boarder that gone's before the sun rises and comes back way after midnight. i'd like to scold the cock once in a while, but that is taking it to far. for the record, i have not named the chicken, thus preventing any personal and emotional bond with it. in the end, boarder or not, a cock is still a cock c:
it all began when my mom decided to purchase two bantam chickens (those tiny, white ones), with dreams of farm land bliss and paradise (meaning: free eggs, milk, cheese, dairy products....hehe). for a while, i was the official chicken-babysitter. i had to tag along two animals whose purpose in life is to peck anything that stands still for approximately 0.5 seconds.
then came the cock, er, the other chicken (he's a big, black one), set free from the city life's boredom and captivity. i realized that chickens are territorial. understandably, the newcomer was shy and 'hangul' (my mom's flowers were facing armaggeddon), while the bantam male was all puffed-up with his alpha-male ego. the white chick pecked and chased the black chick everytime he had the chance, forcing the black chick to run for cover and follow timidly behind. no amount of shooing and scolding could change the white chick's superior view.
for a time, the black one accepted the hitler-like regime of the bantam couple, until he found the greener grass beyond our fence. our neighbor owned a dozen or so black chickens (ugly ones, i tell you), and he found his people. everyday, he would make the trip outside the fence and would spend hours doing..well, doing what chickens do. the excursions would last for an hour and soon extended for the whole day.
the black chick would soon go home only for food and sleep time...very much like a boarder....very much like my brother...hehe...but that's another story.
so, he's the boarder that gone's before the sun rises and comes back way after midnight. i'd like to scold the cock once in a while, but that is taking it to far. for the record, i have not named the chicken, thus preventing any personal and emotional bond with it. in the end, boarder or not, a cock is still a cock c:
Monday, July 10, 2006
tidbits
one week down and uhm....well, more to go. ha! i am getting the hang of this college stuff, even if it drives me up the wall sometimes.
i just love community duty, expecially when third years are around. you can boss them around and order them to do the dirty stuff in the health center; that is basically catering to snotty kids and grumpy mothers. haha, 'tis good to be a slave-driver, er, a senior that is.
today, we had a feeding program sponsored by the health center. haha, wished it were for us. i skipped breakfast so by the time i was at the center, my stomach was not pleased with me. the feeding program was supposedly for those kids who are below their normal weight and height or possibly on the verge of malnourishment. that's free food for you, dear reader. normally, that's the bait that health centers offer so that people, will, like go and have their selves checked up and inspected, because people will go in if the symptoms are really downhill already. and they get pissed off if the health workers can't do anything about it.
considering that the program is about nourishing kids with the proper vitamins and nutrients, i wondered why the food served was a glassful of sticky, chunky arroz caldo, with pieces of chicken added not for flavoring, but more of an afterthought ("hmmm, arroz caldo without chicken, is not arroz caldo....so here goes the chicken leg to be shared by a pack of hungry wolves we call children..."). i know the brgy. health center is 'kapos' of budget and all that, but surely, something more nutritious (and possibly, palatable) could have been served instead of plain rice swimming in plain soup. that's all carbohydrates, and believe me, a glassful is not enough to put in the desired bulk and adipose tissues on the frames of those skinny, hyperactive and snotty kids. nutrition and its applications is a long-term process; it's not just a feeding program when you feel like it, then believe that you have saved the world from malnutrition and diseases. the fact that the BHW kept on urging kids who obviously were not in for the feeding program proves that they lacked the preparation and dissemination. they probably meant good in sharing the arroz caldo with those kids, but then one BHW commented that they must reach a quota of kids for that day of feeding. it's still all about the image, the papers and the semblance of doing something else in the health center, aside from barking orders to the student nurses. however good the program was, it is still tainted by the motives.
hai hai. i really can't judge their actions. but it sure does bother me. tacky, tacky, tacky.
anyways, i am back in school. i have to jam in three chapters worth of lessons in my short-term memory so that i might survive another quiz. after my excellent performance on ,y first quiz, things have been going down hill. i got a 76 and an 81 after the 95. can't help it. my neurons fail to work when the clock strikes 5:30.
show-feedings and flunkable quizzes. hai, i don't know which one's worse.
i just love community duty, expecially when third years are around. you can boss them around and order them to do the dirty stuff in the health center; that is basically catering to snotty kids and grumpy mothers. haha, 'tis good to be a slave-driver, er, a senior that is.
today, we had a feeding program sponsored by the health center. haha, wished it were for us. i skipped breakfast so by the time i was at the center, my stomach was not pleased with me. the feeding program was supposedly for those kids who are below their normal weight and height or possibly on the verge of malnourishment. that's free food for you, dear reader. normally, that's the bait that health centers offer so that people, will, like go and have their selves checked up and inspected, because people will go in if the symptoms are really downhill already. and they get pissed off if the health workers can't do anything about it.
considering that the program is about nourishing kids with the proper vitamins and nutrients, i wondered why the food served was a glassful of sticky, chunky arroz caldo, with pieces of chicken added not for flavoring, but more of an afterthought ("hmmm, arroz caldo without chicken, is not arroz caldo....so here goes the chicken leg to be shared by a pack of hungry wolves we call children..."). i know the brgy. health center is 'kapos' of budget and all that, but surely, something more nutritious (and possibly, palatable) could have been served instead of plain rice swimming in plain soup. that's all carbohydrates, and believe me, a glassful is not enough to put in the desired bulk and adipose tissues on the frames of those skinny, hyperactive and snotty kids. nutrition and its applications is a long-term process; it's not just a feeding program when you feel like it, then believe that you have saved the world from malnutrition and diseases. the fact that the BHW kept on urging kids who obviously were not in for the feeding program proves that they lacked the preparation and dissemination. they probably meant good in sharing the arroz caldo with those kids, but then one BHW commented that they must reach a quota of kids for that day of feeding. it's still all about the image, the papers and the semblance of doing something else in the health center, aside from barking orders to the student nurses. however good the program was, it is still tainted by the motives.
hai hai. i really can't judge their actions. but it sure does bother me. tacky, tacky, tacky.
anyways, i am back in school. i have to jam in three chapters worth of lessons in my short-term memory so that i might survive another quiz. after my excellent performance on ,y first quiz, things have been going down hill. i got a 76 and an 81 after the 95. can't help it. my neurons fail to work when the clock strikes 5:30.
show-feedings and flunkable quizzes. hai, i don't know which one's worse.
Friday, July 07, 2006
of falling in and falling out
i diagnosed myself to have bipolar disorder. in laymen's term a manic-depressive. i don't have time to see a shrink (i don't think zamboanga has one *sigh) so after leafing through the pages of my psycha book and finding this term, i decided that the symptoms were custom made for me. i need a name to describe the way i felt this past week. frankly, shitty is the only word that comes into my mind. hai hai, i never want to go through another week like this one. shitty, shitty, shitty. oh man, give me some prozac!
now that i have a name, we try to delve into the reasons as to why i feel shitty all the time. i came up with a couple of answers:
1. it's all about classes-- i pay P30,000 per sem and all i get is shitty classes. shitty= dumb, gay teachers.
2.falling out with old friends...-- i blame myself for this. my personality is a complex one, and even i don't understand the prima donna b*tch. all i can say is that i wished i had placed more efforts in maintaining my relationships with friends. it hurts me bad to see me and monique drifting apart. not that we hate each other, mind. it's just that she has a new circle of friends and i don't. i feel jealous everytime she goes out with her friends. i guess i keep on remembering the times when we used to go out. i want to get her attention sometimes, but i feel like a complete idiot. i am starting to sound positively lesbo here...0_o'
3. ...and falling in with new ones-- kill me, then. i have a tendency of withdrawing back when things get too cozy and close. it feels soooo...cheesy. cottage cheese. the risk of putting yourself out there, of sharing an identity with someone else, of being typecasted into one group...that pisses me off for some reason. which makes me understand why i still have no boyfriend after two decades in this world.
4. senior blues-- i should say, yey i am a senior! instead i say, God!...i've been ranting about my love-hate relationship with nursing for the past 4 years that i'll stop and just shoot myself.
5. suicidal tendencies-- don't call the cops. nobody takes me seriously anyway. nope, i'm a passive suicide idealist *idealist??WTF??* and it means that i think about death and dying a lot, but i don't make plans to kill myself. i don't think i'll make a lovely corpse.
6.hypochondriac-- human beings are proud of their flaws. often, they'd rather stick with their crippling and debilitating demons than take on a new life. bad as it seems, demons are comfort zones, familiar territory. it's an identity see??
i am running out of reasons. thinking has not been therapeutic. it only made me feel dumber by the second. i read other people's blog and gawk at their finesse and ability to chronicle their day to day lives in such an intelligent and lofty manner. all i can manage is a shitty summary of how shitty i have been feeling. my swearing has grown refined, thanks to blogging.
i find it strange that my classmates don't blog. my cousin's classmates blog all the time. i dunno, i just noticed that right now. shitty, i know.
now that i have a name, we try to delve into the reasons as to why i feel shitty all the time. i came up with a couple of answers:
1. it's all about classes-- i pay P30,000 per sem and all i get is shitty classes. shitty= dumb, gay teachers.
2.falling out with old friends...-- i blame myself for this. my personality is a complex one, and even i don't understand the prima donna b*tch. all i can say is that i wished i had placed more efforts in maintaining my relationships with friends. it hurts me bad to see me and monique drifting apart. not that we hate each other, mind. it's just that she has a new circle of friends and i don't. i feel jealous everytime she goes out with her friends. i guess i keep on remembering the times when we used to go out. i want to get her attention sometimes, but i feel like a complete idiot. i am starting to sound positively lesbo here...0_o'
3. ...and falling in with new ones-- kill me, then. i have a tendency of withdrawing back when things get too cozy and close. it feels soooo...cheesy. cottage cheese. the risk of putting yourself out there, of sharing an identity with someone else, of being typecasted into one group...that pisses me off for some reason. which makes me understand why i still have no boyfriend after two decades in this world.
4. senior blues-- i should say, yey i am a senior! instead i say, God!...i've been ranting about my love-hate relationship with nursing for the past 4 years that i'll stop and just shoot myself.
5. suicidal tendencies-- don't call the cops. nobody takes me seriously anyway. nope, i'm a passive suicide idealist *idealist??WTF??* and it means that i think about death and dying a lot, but i don't make plans to kill myself. i don't think i'll make a lovely corpse.
6.hypochondriac-- human beings are proud of their flaws. often, they'd rather stick with their crippling and debilitating demons than take on a new life. bad as it seems, demons are comfort zones, familiar territory. it's an identity see??
i am running out of reasons. thinking has not been therapeutic. it only made me feel dumber by the second. i read other people's blog and gawk at their finesse and ability to chronicle their day to day lives in such an intelligent and lofty manner. all i can manage is a shitty summary of how shitty i have been feeling. my swearing has grown refined, thanks to blogging.
i find it strange that my classmates don't blog. my cousin's classmates blog all the time. i dunno, i just noticed that right now. shitty, i know.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
years
i am getting old...
last night, we held our club's commitment night. it's an annual event, and in my 3 years of being a psalmista, i have always attended this event, as a participant. this year, however, i went in as an organizer. and it has taken its toll on my frayed nerves.
most new members were freshmen and sophomores. hyper is an understatement, manic is more like it. i watched their activities with ambivalence, fond and happy but at the same time annoyed and irritated. as i said, it does not take a big thing to irritate me. i find that the little things irritate me most, like when somebody talks to loud or acts girly. i know, God help me.
the fact remained that i felt completely out of place. granted, i am not that old but i felt i was a good 20 years older than my age, the way i acted. i have never been comfortable with a large group of people, much more young people. how in earth am i suppose to engage them in genuine conversation where they won't be secretly wishing me to roll over and die?
after the opening programs, we had some games and i sat out. not good for my bones. and yes, i thought it was extremely cheesy. i am seriously thinking of kicking my own ass for being so...so..so...uhm..difficult.
sleep time came, and all were huddled together in classic-slumber party style, where girls divulge their secrets and boys get to be boys. seriously, i have outgrown that phase as well, and i never liked the talking part anyway. i can't relate to their stories. i felt waaay too old to be part of their group. sure, seniority has its advantages, but not at that time.especially when you easily get bored with talks of boys, ghosts and boys.don't get me wrong, their good kids. i'm just too old.
i wanted to have an intelligent conversation with someone, someone who could talk sensibly and preferably in tagalog not in english, because for me, english outside the classroom is irritating to my ears. i wished for someone who could sit still and share some moments of silence. i found two or three but i got bored. to say that i was more intelligent than them is pompous. but that's what i felt. too intelligent for them, too complicated.
unlike them, i am not simple-minded. sometimes but not often, because i get angry with myself. as i curled all alone last night, at an early hour while all were still up and talking, i wished for the old days of commitment night. egotistical as it may seem, i wanted to have the attention to myself and be the baby of the group, as i was before now. previously, i got to be pampered, spoiled rotten by my seniors, and my aunt pointed out that i always wanted to be with older people. it's the attention that fuels this desire. it is gratifying to be appreciated for who you are.
that's what i tried to do to the new members. to make them feel welcomed and appreciated. but 3 sentences of short talk is my limit and i ended up fumbling with the pillow, mumbling incoherently. i looked like an idiot, when i wanted to prove that i was intelligent beyond my years.
i retired to bed early. boredom, exhaustion and my age made me do it.
i am getting old.
last night, we held our club's commitment night. it's an annual event, and in my 3 years of being a psalmista, i have always attended this event, as a participant. this year, however, i went in as an organizer. and it has taken its toll on my frayed nerves.
most new members were freshmen and sophomores. hyper is an understatement, manic is more like it. i watched their activities with ambivalence, fond and happy but at the same time annoyed and irritated. as i said, it does not take a big thing to irritate me. i find that the little things irritate me most, like when somebody talks to loud or acts girly. i know, God help me.
the fact remained that i felt completely out of place. granted, i am not that old but i felt i was a good 20 years older than my age, the way i acted. i have never been comfortable with a large group of people, much more young people. how in earth am i suppose to engage them in genuine conversation where they won't be secretly wishing me to roll over and die?
after the opening programs, we had some games and i sat out. not good for my bones. and yes, i thought it was extremely cheesy. i am seriously thinking of kicking my own ass for being so...so..so...uhm..difficult.
sleep time came, and all were huddled together in classic-slumber party style, where girls divulge their secrets and boys get to be boys. seriously, i have outgrown that phase as well, and i never liked the talking part anyway. i can't relate to their stories. i felt waaay too old to be part of their group. sure, seniority has its advantages, but not at that time.especially when you easily get bored with talks of boys, ghosts and boys.don't get me wrong, their good kids. i'm just too old.
i wanted to have an intelligent conversation with someone, someone who could talk sensibly and preferably in tagalog not in english, because for me, english outside the classroom is irritating to my ears. i wished for someone who could sit still and share some moments of silence. i found two or three but i got bored. to say that i was more intelligent than them is pompous. but that's what i felt. too intelligent for them, too complicated.
unlike them, i am not simple-minded. sometimes but not often, because i get angry with myself. as i curled all alone last night, at an early hour while all were still up and talking, i wished for the old days of commitment night. egotistical as it may seem, i wanted to have the attention to myself and be the baby of the group, as i was before now. previously, i got to be pampered, spoiled rotten by my seniors, and my aunt pointed out that i always wanted to be with older people. it's the attention that fuels this desire. it is gratifying to be appreciated for who you are.
that's what i tried to do to the new members. to make them feel welcomed and appreciated. but 3 sentences of short talk is my limit and i ended up fumbling with the pillow, mumbling incoherently. i looked like an idiot, when i wanted to prove that i was intelligent beyond my years.
i retired to bed early. boredom, exhaustion and my age made me do it.
i am getting old.
Friday, June 30, 2006
go to hell, you!
it does not take much to tick me off this days. i'm getting quite a reputation among my seatmates as the resident hothead. one likely reason would be my period, but then,the uterine cycle of renewal has already such a bad reputation that i digress.
periods don't tick me off. teachers do. particularly inept and incompetent teachers. inept, incompetent and gay teachers, and i don't mean gay as happy. gay as in gay--homo, fag...that's about the extent of my gay vocab but you get the point. trust me, if your gay teacher was my teacher, you'll be wishing for an air gun waaaay before christmas.
i don't have problems with gay people, normally, since i tend to avoid them and unfashionable slobs like me hardly attract their attention. i have noticed that gay people tend to lean towards women who are sophisticated, mature, fashinable and well-groomed (kris and boy, anyone?)...but yes, i find them nice and good, irritating sometimes and arrogant, but nevertheless tolerable.
however, gay teachers are a different matter. nursing students, as a rule, are critical and observant (read: bisyador), and gay people are critical people, a higher degree than the normal homo sapien, too. what do you get when you mix the two? a kick-ass critical bitch, whose pastime are bitching and prancing.
my teacher/s exactly. i want nothing but good lessons and good teachers. gender does not matter. in this case, it does. for the past week, my lessons under gay teachers have all been imitations of MMK meets Oprah meets Tyra Banks meets the MAD tv show. it's pissing me off, and i don't get pissed off, 5 minutes into the class. that is an extreme number, given that i have the patience of a patient gone comatose.
overreacting?maybe but i prefer maybe not. how would you feel if all your teacher did was bitch, criticize, scrutinize, and made rude and below-the-belt remarks? or if he is a racis, but does not think he is? or if he thinks he's a god just because he went to this college, or trained in this so-so institution? or if he thinks he's a psychologist, that he has the right to analyze those experiences of yours, marking you out as a weird, non-existent entity just because you never had a relationship with the opposite sex? or if he looked like glenda, the gender-confused doll of the seed of chucky? oh, c'mon now. bite me.
i survive the hours by not paying attention and by exercising my creative abilities. these has produced good results. my drawing skills, while still pathetic at some points, are becoming better and better. i even have my first color-pencil rendered anime girl (without reference!). the other times, i make snide comments with my seatmates, calling my instructor names and wishing i had a slingshot with me. but then, my heart rate only shoots up and i suffer from the shock and pressure of not being able to scream and pull my instructors' hair off. that is so gay.
periods don't tick me off. teachers do. particularly inept and incompetent teachers. inept, incompetent and gay teachers, and i don't mean gay as happy. gay as in gay--homo, fag...that's about the extent of my gay vocab but you get the point. trust me, if your gay teacher was my teacher, you'll be wishing for an air gun waaaay before christmas.
i don't have problems with gay people, normally, since i tend to avoid them and unfashionable slobs like me hardly attract their attention. i have noticed that gay people tend to lean towards women who are sophisticated, mature, fashinable and well-groomed (kris and boy, anyone?)...but yes, i find them nice and good, irritating sometimes and arrogant, but nevertheless tolerable.
however, gay teachers are a different matter. nursing students, as a rule, are critical and observant (read: bisyador), and gay people are critical people, a higher degree than the normal homo sapien, too. what do you get when you mix the two? a kick-ass critical bitch, whose pastime are bitching and prancing.
my teacher/s exactly. i want nothing but good lessons and good teachers. gender does not matter. in this case, it does. for the past week, my lessons under gay teachers have all been imitations of MMK meets Oprah meets Tyra Banks meets the MAD tv show. it's pissing me off, and i don't get pissed off, 5 minutes into the class. that is an extreme number, given that i have the patience of a patient gone comatose.
overreacting?maybe but i prefer maybe not. how would you feel if all your teacher did was bitch, criticize, scrutinize, and made rude and below-the-belt remarks? or if he is a racis, but does not think he is? or if he thinks he's a god just because he went to this college, or trained in this so-so institution? or if he thinks he's a psychologist, that he has the right to analyze those experiences of yours, marking you out as a weird, non-existent entity just because you never had a relationship with the opposite sex? or if he looked like glenda, the gender-confused doll of the seed of chucky? oh, c'mon now. bite me.
i survive the hours by not paying attention and by exercising my creative abilities. these has produced good results. my drawing skills, while still pathetic at some points, are becoming better and better. i even have my first color-pencil rendered anime girl (without reference!). the other times, i make snide comments with my seatmates, calling my instructor names and wishing i had a slingshot with me. but then, my heart rate only shoots up and i suffer from the shock and pressure of not being able to scream and pull my instructors' hair off. that is so gay.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
still numb
school is back, but i still can't shake off my post-vacation hangover. maybe taking that 2 month vacation after 2 years of vacation-less days was a bad idea.
my first week in school had me fighting to breath, literally, since my nose was heavy with the dripping stuff we call phelgm. i sounded like a soprano gone wrong, and my machinery would backfire at the most conspicious moments. so much for being a head-turner.
second week had me waking up at an ungodly hour of 5 am to resume my weekly torture, an act that is required of me so that i can graduate. my duties began again, and i cursed fluently for the week straight. it was gore-fest this time though as i got assigned in glorious OR, where blood and spit are normal occurences, and guts are normal panoramic view. i got a lot of cases this time around, and i'm keeping my fingers for more people to fall sick and get operated upon. harhar, talk about misfortune on others.
third week in and i have had 3 exams. i did pretty well in my first, but the second two were disasters. the lecture consisted of a 28-page photocopy, but all i had was one page of handwritten, unlegible, unorganized lecture in my notebook. now that's something. some people call it amazing, that i had summarized the lesson within 4-5 paragraphs. i call it plain lunacy. gosh, i wasn't even listening to the lesson. but i did produce an amazing still life portrait of my teacher's bag, which prompted my friend mica, to say that i needed to shift to fine arts instead of nursing. first time luck, i say to her.
on the weekend: no study habit was born. i read through an amazing novel by jeffrey archer, entitled kane and abel. my mom read this during her college years. talk about amazing, neh? anyway, it was a great read and an amazing find. i hope to finish two more books by this week, while surviving my responsibilities as president of an organization (PSALM) and as a copy editor for the newspaper. not bad for a lazy senior with no ambition.
yeah, i know i speak forth utter crap and nonsense. didn't i tell you i still have that post-vacation hangover? here's the undeniable proof.
my first week in school had me fighting to breath, literally, since my nose was heavy with the dripping stuff we call phelgm. i sounded like a soprano gone wrong, and my machinery would backfire at the most conspicious moments. so much for being a head-turner.
second week had me waking up at an ungodly hour of 5 am to resume my weekly torture, an act that is required of me so that i can graduate. my duties began again, and i cursed fluently for the week straight. it was gore-fest this time though as i got assigned in glorious OR, where blood and spit are normal occurences, and guts are normal panoramic view. i got a lot of cases this time around, and i'm keeping my fingers for more people to fall sick and get operated upon. harhar, talk about misfortune on others.
third week in and i have had 3 exams. i did pretty well in my first, but the second two were disasters. the lecture consisted of a 28-page photocopy, but all i had was one page of handwritten, unlegible, unorganized lecture in my notebook. now that's something. some people call it amazing, that i had summarized the lesson within 4-5 paragraphs. i call it plain lunacy. gosh, i wasn't even listening to the lesson. but i did produce an amazing still life portrait of my teacher's bag, which prompted my friend mica, to say that i needed to shift to fine arts instead of nursing. first time luck, i say to her.
on the weekend: no study habit was born. i read through an amazing novel by jeffrey archer, entitled kane and abel. my mom read this during her college years. talk about amazing, neh? anyway, it was a great read and an amazing find. i hope to finish two more books by this week, while surviving my responsibilities as president of an organization (PSALM) and as a copy editor for the newspaper. not bad for a lazy senior with no ambition.
yeah, i know i speak forth utter crap and nonsense. didn't i tell you i still have that post-vacation hangover? here's the undeniable proof.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
r u naruto?
it has been a long time since anime took this country by storm. i miss the days of anime assault 1 and 2, of watching super-robots kick alien ass, of winged swordsmen falling in love, of afternoon fights with the family for television supremacy. those were the good days *nostalgia*
but now, i am seeing a possible resurrection, thanks to studio 23's anime block in the afternoon. ladies and gentlemen, presenting the.....ninjas of konoha, who in the past few months, succesfully glued children, teens and adults alike to tubes and computers. like ghostfighters, voltes v and fushigi yuugi, naruto, in my humble opinion, is starting to resurrect anime nostalgia and fervor among the weary teens of this nations. it's not life-saving but still a good thing.
naruto is a story about well, a boy named naruto and his dealings with his community and his journey on becoming the greatest ninja evah or hokage. the story is pretty formulaic, talentless and scorned boy becomes better and better because he never gives up in a fight....but we noypis are suckers for those kinds of anime anyway (at least i am).
naruto's success can be seen by the way people in my community interact with each other. one time, as i was going to the store to buy my daily provisions of junk foods, five boys rushed by, all screaming "naruto ya, naruto ya!!". you don't see that everyday. it's a testament to the success of the show because you just don't see people running and screaming "deal or no deal na!!.."
then, naruto has become very common conversation fare. in my school, where territories are determined by courses, and friendships are limited by blocks since everyone is prejudiced, people from all courses are seen talking about naruto. a nursing student stops a BS Comsci student to ask for details of episode 123, and an organization featured naruto episodes in the hallway, to great success. with naruto, courses and status does not matter. all are equal in the sight of the hokage.
the classroom is not exempted. my friend, marc, having introduced me to naruto way back, is delighted to see such appreciation from the people. he's like a proud papa, the way he's acting. it's easier to talk about this things since everybody listens to you and starts talking.
as the official anime freak of the class, many has made it a point of stopping me in hallways to ask if i had the complete series of naruto. i have been asked this question by six different people from different sections and courses. i am not irritated or anything. i am actually flattered that people would consider me as a source of anime pleasure. it's a reputation i have been nurturing since college in hopes of becoming popular (harhar). mababaw lang talaga kaligayahan ko =^^=v
unfortunately, i don't have the whole series of naruto, and this painfully reminds me that i am a struggling anime fan without pockets to indulge my hobbies.
i'm glad to see that anime is finally coming back, not yet to its former glory, but we're getting there. but then it's hell to be an anime fan in the philippines.
but now, i am seeing a possible resurrection, thanks to studio 23's anime block in the afternoon. ladies and gentlemen, presenting the.....ninjas of konoha, who in the past few months, succesfully glued children, teens and adults alike to tubes and computers. like ghostfighters, voltes v and fushigi yuugi, naruto, in my humble opinion, is starting to resurrect anime nostalgia and fervor among the weary teens of this nations. it's not life-saving but still a good thing.
naruto is a story about well, a boy named naruto and his dealings with his community and his journey on becoming the greatest ninja evah or hokage. the story is pretty formulaic, talentless and scorned boy becomes better and better because he never gives up in a fight....but we noypis are suckers for those kinds of anime anyway (at least i am).
naruto's success can be seen by the way people in my community interact with each other. one time, as i was going to the store to buy my daily provisions of junk foods, five boys rushed by, all screaming "naruto ya, naruto ya!!". you don't see that everyday. it's a testament to the success of the show because you just don't see people running and screaming "deal or no deal na!!.."
then, naruto has become very common conversation fare. in my school, where territories are determined by courses, and friendships are limited by blocks since everyone is prejudiced, people from all courses are seen talking about naruto. a nursing student stops a BS Comsci student to ask for details of episode 123, and an organization featured naruto episodes in the hallway, to great success. with naruto, courses and status does not matter. all are equal in the sight of the hokage.
the classroom is not exempted. my friend, marc, having introduced me to naruto way back, is delighted to see such appreciation from the people. he's like a proud papa, the way he's acting. it's easier to talk about this things since everybody listens to you and starts talking.
as the official anime freak of the class, many has made it a point of stopping me in hallways to ask if i had the complete series of naruto. i have been asked this question by six different people from different sections and courses. i am not irritated or anything. i am actually flattered that people would consider me as a source of anime pleasure. it's a reputation i have been nurturing since college in hopes of becoming popular (harhar). mababaw lang talaga kaligayahan ko =^^=v
unfortunately, i don't have the whole series of naruto, and this painfully reminds me that i am a struggling anime fan without pockets to indulge my hobbies.
i'm glad to see that anime is finally coming back, not yet to its former glory, but we're getting there. but then it's hell to be an anime fan in the philippines.
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
back to the old roots
i give up. i can't find a skin that suits my need and personality. so for now, i am going back to the old blogspot look, many thanks to the available templates. no more cboxes and fancy navigation.
speaking of going back to old roots, school is rearing it's ugly head again. thankfully, this will be my last year in college and then i am off to become another statistic in my county's unemployment lists. i dread the day where i'll become a useless minority. productivity is something that i crave. seriously, i don't mind being busy.
and busy is what i'll be this year (eventually). God has expanded my territory and made me president of PSALM. i also became one of the copy editors for the Beacon Publications. either way, i've got a full schedule to for this one. here's to hoping for a better school year. i mean, isn't that what we always wish for?
i have apprehensions in coming back to school, number one of which is waking up. i have gotten so used to sleeping till noon, and there's no way that my biological clock could switch gears that quickly *sweat*. second of all is the prospect (heh, more like, the mathematical certainty) of going back to duty. of all the things that i hate in college, duty takes the top spot. ironic, since that's going to my job in the future.
i have been nursing this desire to take another course soon after i graduate. if by chance i can snag a scholarship along the way, then i'll most definitely be working my way to medical school. but if not, maybe a teacher. then, there's always that desire to go to japan and study.
one thing that i look forward the most in going back to school? allowances. after 2 months of being income-less, i am celebrating the return of my 70 bucks per day allowance, with hopes of saving up for some anime cd's. which reminds me, my salary for the tutoring job i do for my cousin has dried up. it's really frustrating to see money disappear. and i did not even buy anything major yet.
pray for a good school year. good luck and God bless! aim to be the best!
speaking of going back to old roots, school is rearing it's ugly head again. thankfully, this will be my last year in college and then i am off to become another statistic in my county's unemployment lists. i dread the day where i'll become a useless minority. productivity is something that i crave. seriously, i don't mind being busy.
and busy is what i'll be this year (eventually). God has expanded my territory and made me president of PSALM. i also became one of the copy editors for the Beacon Publications. either way, i've got a full schedule to for this one. here's to hoping for a better school year. i mean, isn't that what we always wish for?
i have apprehensions in coming back to school, number one of which is waking up. i have gotten so used to sleeping till noon, and there's no way that my biological clock could switch gears that quickly *sweat*. second of all is the prospect (heh, more like, the mathematical certainty) of going back to duty. of all the things that i hate in college, duty takes the top spot. ironic, since that's going to my job in the future.
i have been nursing this desire to take another course soon after i graduate. if by chance i can snag a scholarship along the way, then i'll most definitely be working my way to medical school. but if not, maybe a teacher. then, there's always that desire to go to japan and study.
one thing that i look forward the most in going back to school? allowances. after 2 months of being income-less, i am celebrating the return of my 70 bucks per day allowance, with hopes of saving up for some anime cd's. which reminds me, my salary for the tutoring job i do for my cousin has dried up. it's really frustrating to see money disappear. and i did not even buy anything major yet.
pray for a good school year. good luck and God bless! aim to be the best!
Sunday, June 04, 2006
the perils of the stool exam
spare a thought for all the medical technologists out there, who suffer the brunt of the hospitals' 'dirty works' everyday. the process of obtaining urine, sputum, blood and, que horror, stool specimens is disgusting as is, but to slosh though other people's undesirable body samples at such close proximity with only a cm thin layer of latex serving as buffer, is nothing short of heroic.
as nursing students, it is required for us to undergo laboratory exams to ensure our serviceability, so to speak, to the hospital we are affiliated with (it's like, so that the patients don't get anythinng harmful from us. but the students' health? oh, fugghedaboutit...). urinalysis i can do. hepa and drug exams? no biggie. sputum? never done that, but 'tis to'lable. but come the damn stool exam, my stomach does major Olympic-standard backflips. This has got to be the yuckiest exam designed by man in white coats with a macabre sense of humor. It's an essential exam for us nurses, where a positive result can mean doomsday for case-deprived students. essential, but still disgusting. poking my own stool is not something i enjoy doing. egad. luckily for me, my stool sample was negative for any parasites. this means no stool-poking-in-the-early-morning-after-laxative-binge-at-night sessions for me, for at least six months.
stool exams are common conversation fare amongst nursing students come enrollment time. some snatches of conversations from people suffering from indigestion, constipation and diarrhea:
"hoy, doys! ya kaga ya bo? miyo de bo tai ha?" (hey, buddy? you defecated yet? i'll have your stool, ok?)
"tiene ya tu tai? dale daw..." (do you have a sample stool yet? c'mon, gimme some..)
"pwede tu ase di miyo stool exam para kumigo?" (can you do my stool exam for me?)
"shit, nukere gat yo kaga. panus de lata ya yo ta kome para pwede lang kaga!" (shit, i can't defecate. i ate spoiled canned goods just to be able to defecate!)
two points: these are disgusting conversation fare and second, food poisoning is a fate better than no duty.
stool exams are unpredictable. for some reasons (like, improper collection, inept technicians, faulty laboratory procedures), they come positive. or worse, the hospital misplaced your sample and they can't find it! either way, you have to undergo the process again..and again...depends on whether lady luck is by your side. this is the case of my brother. as of now, i am eating a plateful of oatmeal in hopes of stimulating my gastrointestinal system to move faster and churn out the blasted feces. thanks to psychological blocks and an irregular defecating schedule,.
in school, we are taught not to be disgusted with our own stool. it's not advisable to show disgust or reprimand young 'uns when they play with their stool, since it'll make them think that their bad and dirty. after all, at that age, children know that everything that comes out from them is theirs, and like, there is nothing wrong if they share it with you. if you do, they may become cleanliness freaks or OC people. it has something to do with Freud's psychosexual theory of development. technically, stool is nothing more but indigested food materials, and ceratin body waste and water. it's something that should be embrace as yours. but it's still disgusting. in this case, my psychosexual development was probably dysfunctional.
as nursing students, it is required for us to undergo laboratory exams to ensure our serviceability, so to speak, to the hospital we are affiliated with (it's like, so that the patients don't get anythinng harmful from us. but the students' health? oh, fugghedaboutit...). urinalysis i can do. hepa and drug exams? no biggie. sputum? never done that, but 'tis to'lable. but come the damn stool exam, my stomach does major Olympic-standard backflips. This has got to be the yuckiest exam designed by man in white coats with a macabre sense of humor. It's an essential exam for us nurses, where a positive result can mean doomsday for case-deprived students. essential, but still disgusting. poking my own stool is not something i enjoy doing. egad. luckily for me, my stool sample was negative for any parasites. this means no stool-poking-in-the-early-morning-after-laxative-binge-at-night sessions for me, for at least six months.
stool exams are common conversation fare amongst nursing students come enrollment time. some snatches of conversations from people suffering from indigestion, constipation and diarrhea:
"hoy, doys! ya kaga ya bo? miyo de bo tai ha?" (hey, buddy? you defecated yet? i'll have your stool, ok?)
"tiene ya tu tai? dale daw..." (do you have a sample stool yet? c'mon, gimme some..)
"pwede tu ase di miyo stool exam para kumigo?" (can you do my stool exam for me?)
"shit, nukere gat yo kaga. panus de lata ya yo ta kome para pwede lang kaga!" (shit, i can't defecate. i ate spoiled canned goods just to be able to defecate!)
two points: these are disgusting conversation fare and second, food poisoning is a fate better than no duty.
stool exams are unpredictable. for some reasons (like, improper collection, inept technicians, faulty laboratory procedures), they come positive. or worse, the hospital misplaced your sample and they can't find it! either way, you have to undergo the process again..and again...depends on whether lady luck is by your side. this is the case of my brother. as of now, i am eating a plateful of oatmeal in hopes of stimulating my gastrointestinal system to move faster and churn out the blasted feces. thanks to psychological blocks and an irregular defecating schedule,.
in school, we are taught not to be disgusted with our own stool. it's not advisable to show disgust or reprimand young 'uns when they play with their stool, since it'll make them think that their bad and dirty. after all, at that age, children know that everything that comes out from them is theirs, and like, there is nothing wrong if they share it with you. if you do, they may become cleanliness freaks or OC people. it has something to do with Freud's psychosexual theory of development. technically, stool is nothing more but indigested food materials, and ceratin body waste and water. it's something that should be embrace as yours. but it's still disgusting. in this case, my psychosexual development was probably dysfunctional.
Friday, April 21, 2006
revelations v2
6. plain and boring is me--i am a boring person..'nuff said..
7. i have short-term memory...--i had a great revelation while i was going to my cousin's to type...but i can't remember it no more.
8.mistakes should not scare you...don't be afraid to make them--easier said than done. i finally learned this lesson after a few years hanging out in the forums. i could not post for fear of mistakes, thus get picked on by the whole community. i obsessed over every single post and got affected by each and every single action done and not done by my fellow posters (they are really nice by the way ^^). after looking back and re-examining, fear of mistakes and failures, crippled my growth and took the fun out of everything. now, i have learned to relax and take things as they are and to have fun where fun is due. don't take things too seriously...you won't be able to sleep. who'd have thought that such a lesson was gleaned from an internet forum??
9. the value of revision--after 4 years stuck in a rut, i have began writing stories again. i hope to break away from my technical, feature-writing style of high school and jump over to short story/fanfiction writing. writing should not be so complicated. ^^ i used to write for keeps--meaning that what i write is the final thing. no drafts, no revisions. everything had to be perfect on the first take. now, with no computer and armed with sheafs of scratch papers and a pen, i have learned that for a writer, revisions can be your bestfriend. it is exhaysting and frustrating but by doing so i have managed to finish a story and improve it quite well.
10. learn to let go--some things are not meant to be. i have learned to let go of who i was, the old self that for long has been my armor against new and often, scary, experiences. i'd like to face things with an open mind. to let go and let God. to enjoy life.
7. i have short-term memory...--i had a great revelation while i was going to my cousin's to type...but i can't remember it no more.
8.mistakes should not scare you...don't be afraid to make them--easier said than done. i finally learned this lesson after a few years hanging out in the forums. i could not post for fear of mistakes, thus get picked on by the whole community. i obsessed over every single post and got affected by each and every single action done and not done by my fellow posters (they are really nice by the way ^^). after looking back and re-examining, fear of mistakes and failures, crippled my growth and took the fun out of everything. now, i have learned to relax and take things as they are and to have fun where fun is due. don't take things too seriously...you won't be able to sleep. who'd have thought that such a lesson was gleaned from an internet forum??
9. the value of revision--after 4 years stuck in a rut, i have began writing stories again. i hope to break away from my technical, feature-writing style of high school and jump over to short story/fanfiction writing. writing should not be so complicated. ^^ i used to write for keeps--meaning that what i write is the final thing. no drafts, no revisions. everything had to be perfect on the first take. now, with no computer and armed with sheafs of scratch papers and a pen, i have learned that for a writer, revisions can be your bestfriend. it is exhaysting and frustrating but by doing so i have managed to finish a story and improve it quite well.
10. learn to let go--some things are not meant to be. i have learned to let go of who i was, the old self that for long has been my armor against new and often, scary, experiences. i'd like to face things with an open mind. to let go and let God. to enjoy life.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
revelations v1
8 hours of doing nothing (read: graveyard shift) and staring in space can do wonders to your thinking. and with a brain like mine, which, modesty aside, has been once described as capable of thinking up sensational stories fit for tabloid frontpage, those thinking sessions can produce new religion (mwehehe). i've introspected on a lot about the things around me, my experiences, aspirations, dreams, desires...pretty egotistical neh?? but i realized, it's my blog and i can write whatevah i want!XD bwahaha!
some introspections:
1. my greatest ambition is to be rich-- not just rich but filthy rich. if i will have it then might as well have it all. there's nothing wrong with being poor, but there's nothing romantic about it either. it's not about cozy little houses and gardens and vegetables. it's about rents and never-ending debts. heh, i want to be rich, period. nursing, anyone??
2. nursing is a noble profession...not!-- it is not a noble profession. it might have started out that way but society has a way of contaminating its filth towards everything that is noble and pure (like, marriage, education, government, family). even the health sector is not safe. nurses and the nursing profession has been tainted with its own controversies and shortcomings...people pushing their own agendas, their own wills and desires without thought for the future. not only nursing but for every conceivable profession ruled by man. nursing per se is not the fault. it's the people that make it so.
3. boy abunda can sometimes be a dimwit-- i don't usually watch the buzz, the family does. i caught one ep., where boy was doing his interview (read: prying) with zanjoe, regarding him and bianca and bianca's boyfriend. a rehash of what happened..zanjoe does not want to court bianca coz that would be,like, wrong. boy asks if z likes the gurl, z says yeah, then boy says why not, then z again says coz it's wrong, and boy asks if there is such a thing such as proper timing in love or something to that extend. my point: zanjoe already explained his side and i agree that yes there is right timing to love. the right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing says joshua harris' book i kissed dating goodbye. to do so (court bianca now) would be disrespectful and not love. i admire mr. abunda and i think he is a more intelligent person than me...but he needs to go back to his philo (phenomenology of love) and to tone down his, uhm, inquisitiveness. and a final thought...zanjoe-bianca sucks. they are sooooo overrated.
4. i am a slob--yeah, before someone can say it to my face, i'll admit it first. a slob in a sense that i only fix myself when necessary, and i dress in what i am comfortable with not what others want me to wear. i keep my room in disarray because i work better in organized chaos. so there.
5. i am a pervert--i finally accepted the fact that i am a sexual being and that such feelings and thoughts are normal in one's growth and development. it is not wrong to talk about it, express your thoughts about it. it has to be accepted as a part of you, as something that is beautiful in the right time and not something that is evil or dirty. i have been perverted by friends and society and in a way it has been a blessing in my road to accepting a part of myself that could not be denied.
some introspections:
1. my greatest ambition is to be rich-- not just rich but filthy rich. if i will have it then might as well have it all. there's nothing wrong with being poor, but there's nothing romantic about it either. it's not about cozy little houses and gardens and vegetables. it's about rents and never-ending debts. heh, i want to be rich, period. nursing, anyone??
2. nursing is a noble profession...not!-- it is not a noble profession. it might have started out that way but society has a way of contaminating its filth towards everything that is noble and pure (like, marriage, education, government, family). even the health sector is not safe. nurses and the nursing profession has been tainted with its own controversies and shortcomings...people pushing their own agendas, their own wills and desires without thought for the future. not only nursing but for every conceivable profession ruled by man. nursing per se is not the fault. it's the people that make it so.
3. boy abunda can sometimes be a dimwit-- i don't usually watch the buzz, the family does. i caught one ep., where boy was doing his interview (read: prying) with zanjoe, regarding him and bianca and bianca's boyfriend. a rehash of what happened..zanjoe does not want to court bianca coz that would be,like, wrong. boy asks if z likes the gurl, z says yeah, then boy says why not, then z again says coz it's wrong, and boy asks if there is such a thing such as proper timing in love or something to that extend. my point: zanjoe already explained his side and i agree that yes there is right timing to love. the right thing at the wrong time is still the wrong thing says joshua harris' book i kissed dating goodbye. to do so (court bianca now) would be disrespectful and not love. i admire mr. abunda and i think he is a more intelligent person than me...but he needs to go back to his philo (phenomenology of love) and to tone down his, uhm, inquisitiveness. and a final thought...zanjoe-bianca sucks. they are sooooo overrated.
4. i am a slob--yeah, before someone can say it to my face, i'll admit it first. a slob in a sense that i only fix myself when necessary, and i dress in what i am comfortable with not what others want me to wear. i keep my room in disarray because i work better in organized chaos. so there.
5. i am a pervert--i finally accepted the fact that i am a sexual being and that such feelings and thoughts are normal in one's growth and development. it is not wrong to talk about it, express your thoughts about it. it has to be accepted as a part of you, as something that is beautiful in the right time and not something that is evil or dirty. i have been perverted by friends and society and in a way it has been a blessing in my road to accepting a part of myself that could not be denied.
Monday, April 10, 2006
morning bloopers
t'was the perfect day for sleeping--dark clouds, thunder and lighting, rain for good measure. too bad i had my 7-3 duty at ciudad this morning. i had to drag myself from the bed to the kitchen, cook my breakfast and snored in front of the stove for approximately 15 minutes until my mom prodded me awake again.
7 am duties are the hardest for me. it's really tough to be at your area before seven, much more wake up at an earlier hour for that to be possible. for the nth time, i mused the time commuting away thinking as to what compels me to wake up at such an ungodly hour during summer. lateness and absences are always open choices; the thought of paying back duties (with pay and probably alone with a sleep-deprived ci-believe me these are the worst sorts), however, is enough incentive to splash ice-cold water on my face.
i arrived early, with 15 minutes to spare. i find it relaxing to be the first to arrive, earlier even, than the ci themselves. gives me time to relax and pray for the duty ahead. but it is disconcerting to find yourself, still alone, after the clock struck seven. give or take, there are people with you by this hour. hmmm, maybe i misread the fine print made on the schedule last time, idk... this wasn't good.
my ci arrived (finally). my groupmates, didn't. it turned out that they didn't get the sked changes (which i almost didn't too, if it weren't for my buddy marc) so they were all still in dreamland, confident that duty won't start until 3. had to kill time with my ci until 7:45 before he went down to call the level coordinator (cough, cough-home!!-cough) to decide as to what to do with (cough-home-cough!) such a model student (home!!-cough!). i got assigned to the other group under a ci i disliked.
ho-hum, fine. i was willing to go--after all i did spend 30 pesos on my fare. presented myself to the said ci, flashing my braced-clad smile, got told off for not bringing my lab results (which i didn't bring because i forgot it because it has been like a year since i went for duty there) and was promptly sent home. oh not before she marked me absent, which will mean that i will do some payback by sometime this year..again. lawd. so much for my model-record.
i got to talk to my ci....an absent?!?! ^&*^(&&()&*()*!!!!
7 am duties are the hardest for me. it's really tough to be at your area before seven, much more wake up at an earlier hour for that to be possible. for the nth time, i mused the time commuting away thinking as to what compels me to wake up at such an ungodly hour during summer. lateness and absences are always open choices; the thought of paying back duties (with pay and probably alone with a sleep-deprived ci-believe me these are the worst sorts), however, is enough incentive to splash ice-cold water on my face.
i arrived early, with 15 minutes to spare. i find it relaxing to be the first to arrive, earlier even, than the ci themselves. gives me time to relax and pray for the duty ahead. but it is disconcerting to find yourself, still alone, after the clock struck seven. give or take, there are people with you by this hour. hmmm, maybe i misread the fine print made on the schedule last time, idk... this wasn't good.
my ci arrived (finally). my groupmates, didn't. it turned out that they didn't get the sked changes (which i almost didn't too, if it weren't for my buddy marc) so they were all still in dreamland, confident that duty won't start until 3. had to kill time with my ci until 7:45 before he went down to call the level coordinator (cough, cough-home!!-cough) to decide as to what to do with (cough-home-cough!) such a model student (home!!-cough!). i got assigned to the other group under a ci i disliked.
ho-hum, fine. i was willing to go--after all i did spend 30 pesos on my fare. presented myself to the said ci, flashing my braced-clad smile, got told off for not bringing my lab results (which i didn't bring because i forgot it because it has been like a year since i went for duty there) and was promptly sent home. oh not before she marked me absent, which will mean that i will do some payback by sometime this year..again. lawd. so much for my model-record.
i got to talk to my ci....an absent?!?! ^&*^(&&()&*()*!!!!
Sunday, April 09, 2006
pinky fluffiness
was browsin' my own blog and lawd, i was struck by the pinkiness. it's too...pink...
now for those who know me well, pink and i don't really go that well together. i'm a blue lover so why i chose this one beats the hell out of me. hmmm, maybe it's because of the angel, or because i found this skin under the search word 'anime'. *sigh* and i just spent an hour and a half fixing the kinks out of the system. haaai, don't thinl i'll change this one right away.
*scouring the web for a blue-dominated skin*
now for those who know me well, pink and i don't really go that well together. i'm a blue lover so why i chose this one beats the hell out of me. hmmm, maybe it's because of the angel, or because i found this skin under the search word 'anime'. *sigh* and i just spent an hour and a half fixing the kinks out of the system. haaai, don't thinl i'll change this one right away.
*scouring the web for a blue-dominated skin*
Friday, April 07, 2006
the afternoon report
my taste of the afternoon duty can be summed up with this word: oh
the afternoon shift covers the 3pm-11pm hours and, typically, it drags. last april 3-5, i had a taste of it for the first time evah for my summer duty. here's how it went.
i was in nervous distress for the last week, preparing my mind and body (by snoozing for hours) for the duty ahead. monday came and i woke around ten, uptight and tense. i took a bath at around twelve, tried to eat lunch at 1, tried to relax by two and left at 2:30 for the hospital. i passed by my cousins' compound since i had to drop of something, meaning i had to pass the local 'tambays' which consisted of the pre-req adults without jobs, kids without respect and people acting like they have a life but who actually don't. my type A (all white) uniform so mystified these people the snotty kids had the nerve to ask me to 'check' them small jewels of theirs. i'd gladly check them out with my scissors but i was running behind schedule. tough luck.
aside from being the most dragging shift there is, i was assigned in the most boring ward, for the risk of being repetitive, eva. ortho ward/neuro. this is a chronic ward where patients stay for almost 3-5 months on their backside, with skitty and clumsy wire stuffs and metals sticking out of their bodies at different (often unbelievable angles). the neuro ward is really messy. this is where accident-ed people end up so expect lots of blood, gore, sweat, slime and exudates to come accross your way. ortho is better than neuro, considering that all the guys there are just waiting to bust their asses out to freedom; neuro is tedious. like, vital signs every hour, neuro-vital signs every 2, medicines, positioning, feeding...well you get the point. there was one guy who came in, and lawd he was a mess. his case required a lot of attention and monitoring and all the while he was delirious, moaning and thrashing about until he had to be restrained. those are the cases where you wish that you had a higher power to heal, to authorize medicines and operations. but you don't. it's a bummer but basically that's that.
our ci, sir joel was cool. i actually enjoyed the duty with him. plus my group was totally rad. we had fun doing things together, creating names for our patients (lapu-lapu...ahehe), helping each other out. by the second day, we had a new staff nurse on duty for the 3-11 shift and he was a great guy. he allowed us to stay in the nurses' area, bantering with the group, throwing questions at us and demonstrating the way to operate some nifty stuff in the ward. now that's a staff nurse...and a ci..and an rle group..ahehe
we ended our stint in ward 2 with a party for ourselves. ice cream, chicken, veggies and munchkins made our day (eherm night) and we became a boisterous crowd when we began taking pics (yeah, for the luv of God). hehe the nurses and the patients didn't mind. nuh-uh. not one itty-bitty bit.
glad that's over. now i can snooze once more till twelve without worrying about varicose veins. that is until next week.
the afternoon shift covers the 3pm-11pm hours and, typically, it drags. last april 3-5, i had a taste of it for the first time evah for my summer duty. here's how it went.
i was in nervous distress for the last week, preparing my mind and body (by snoozing for hours) for the duty ahead. monday came and i woke around ten, uptight and tense. i took a bath at around twelve, tried to eat lunch at 1, tried to relax by two and left at 2:30 for the hospital. i passed by my cousins' compound since i had to drop of something, meaning i had to pass the local 'tambays' which consisted of the pre-req adults without jobs, kids without respect and people acting like they have a life but who actually don't. my type A (all white) uniform so mystified these people the snotty kids had the nerve to ask me to 'check' them small jewels of theirs. i'd gladly check them out with my scissors but i was running behind schedule. tough luck.
aside from being the most dragging shift there is, i was assigned in the most boring ward, for the risk of being repetitive, eva. ortho ward/neuro. this is a chronic ward where patients stay for almost 3-5 months on their backside, with skitty and clumsy wire stuffs and metals sticking out of their bodies at different (often unbelievable angles). the neuro ward is really messy. this is where accident-ed people end up so expect lots of blood, gore, sweat, slime and exudates to come accross your way. ortho is better than neuro, considering that all the guys there are just waiting to bust their asses out to freedom; neuro is tedious. like, vital signs every hour, neuro-vital signs every 2, medicines, positioning, feeding...well you get the point. there was one guy who came in, and lawd he was a mess. his case required a lot of attention and monitoring and all the while he was delirious, moaning and thrashing about until he had to be restrained. those are the cases where you wish that you had a higher power to heal, to authorize medicines and operations. but you don't. it's a bummer but basically that's that.
our ci, sir joel was cool. i actually enjoyed the duty with him. plus my group was totally rad. we had fun doing things together, creating names for our patients (lapu-lapu...ahehe), helping each other out. by the second day, we had a new staff nurse on duty for the 3-11 shift and he was a great guy. he allowed us to stay in the nurses' area, bantering with the group, throwing questions at us and demonstrating the way to operate some nifty stuff in the ward. now that's a staff nurse...and a ci..and an rle group..ahehe
we ended our stint in ward 2 with a party for ourselves. ice cream, chicken, veggies and munchkins made our day (eherm night) and we became a boisterous crowd when we began taking pics (yeah, for the luv of God). hehe the nurses and the patients didn't mind. nuh-uh. not one itty-bitty bit.
glad that's over. now i can snooze once more till twelve without worrying about varicose veins. that is until next week.
Friday, March 31, 2006
pre-board musings
the board exam is, like, the Simon Cowell for nurses. it pokes its ugly head and decides whether you, o great sufferer, are worthy to pass on to the profession that is nursing or if you would end up as another statistic of unemployed noypis.
to give us a taste of what the board is going to be, we took a pre-board exam yesterday, consisting of 250 questions (lame, lame, lame ^^) covering lessons on Medical-Surgical nursing from the 1st to the 2nd quarter. considering that this was scheduled after the finals and very well into the few days of vacation, grumblings, gruntings and curses abounded. i, having the confidence to take on such an exam, decided to go commando- eherm, that is i went to take the exam without opening a lecture. what for? it wasn't counted anyway. i'll just bring shame upon myself if i fail. big deal. its vacation for crying out loud!! and you expect me to study??
this sentiment was likewise shared by my classmates, who in the years gone by, have grown steadily apathetic and hard-headed (my kind of people..mwehehe). majority of the class really did not give a shit about the exam, except for the chosen few who are just really weird ^^.
the tests included items from cardio (i think i did pretty well here), digestive (most frustrating--i knew that i knew the answers..i just couldn't remember the freaking answer!), fluids and electrolytes (kill me now- i totally screwed this one), respi (ditto), oncology and pedia/geria (hmmm, taken from the final exam..lazy teachers...mwehe) and psycha (don't ask) subjects. honest evaluation will show that i am deficient in some subjects but i do fairly well relying on memory and stock knowledge. i just need to move it from the short-term mem to the long-term one ^^
i did not bother checking my score afterward (no biggie-besides, the proctor's face was twitching and turning nasty). in my humble opinion, the pre-board is not really indicative of whether i'll pass the actual exam or not. firstly, nobody was in the mood. second, we had no threats nor pressures of passing nor failing. thirdly, the questions were fairly easy (copied from the last exam, no less). so what if i fail??really, like the results of the preboard is worth crying for. lawd, teachers can be so overrated. gag me please.
i can honestly say that i will pass (!!!) the board when it comes. its just a matter of circumstances and concentration, plus a little bit o' luck.
to give us a taste of what the board is going to be, we took a pre-board exam yesterday, consisting of 250 questions (lame, lame, lame ^^) covering lessons on Medical-Surgical nursing from the 1st to the 2nd quarter. considering that this was scheduled after the finals and very well into the few days of vacation, grumblings, gruntings and curses abounded. i, having the confidence to take on such an exam, decided to go commando- eherm, that is i went to take the exam without opening a lecture. what for? it wasn't counted anyway. i'll just bring shame upon myself if i fail. big deal. its vacation for crying out loud!! and you expect me to study??
this sentiment was likewise shared by my classmates, who in the years gone by, have grown steadily apathetic and hard-headed (my kind of people..mwehehe). majority of the class really did not give a shit about the exam, except for the chosen few who are just really weird ^^.
the tests included items from cardio (i think i did pretty well here), digestive (most frustrating--i knew that i knew the answers..i just couldn't remember the freaking answer!), fluids and electrolytes (kill me now- i totally screwed this one), respi (ditto), oncology and pedia/geria (hmmm, taken from the final exam..lazy teachers...mwehe) and psycha (don't ask) subjects. honest evaluation will show that i am deficient in some subjects but i do fairly well relying on memory and stock knowledge. i just need to move it from the short-term mem to the long-term one ^^
i did not bother checking my score afterward (no biggie-besides, the proctor's face was twitching and turning nasty). in my humble opinion, the pre-board is not really indicative of whether i'll pass the actual exam or not. firstly, nobody was in the mood. second, we had no threats nor pressures of passing nor failing. thirdly, the questions were fairly easy (copied from the last exam, no less). so what if i fail??really, like the results of the preboard is worth crying for. lawd, teachers can be so overrated. gag me please.
i can honestly say that i will pass (!!!) the board when it comes. its just a matter of circumstances and concentration, plus a little bit o' luck.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
u tired??right!??
i logged in 16 hours of duty last friday, helping out in the school clinic, in the school's joint effort in helping out the Camino Nuevo fire victims. i had it pretty easy there, compared to the roving teams. i stayed in the clinic the whole time, cleaning wounds, dispensing medicines, recording and all that. i officially became the 'drug lord' of the group, having been the one who helped ma'am ivy in the arrangement of the medicines in the boxes. i also had a taste of what it was to become a head nurse. i was in charge of charting and recording, plus transferring the data from the doctor's sheet to the clinic sheet, making sure that we had two exact copies. it was great being there with your fellow students. i saw familiar faces dropping every once in a while, and i felt proud knowing that my classmates were there, out of there comfort zones and helping out. we worked along side medical students and we had a great talk even though we were completely stoned out of our minds.
i hitched a ride home with my friend. we were silent all the way, but we didnt mind that at all. we were too tired and groggy to even mutter a few words.
i slept for three hours before waking up again for an appointment with my dentist. then i headed back to school for my case study with my pal. i barely managed to keep my eyes open. the blasted memory stick would not work and the trackball in our computer lab was not cooperating. lawd, i thought the day would never end.
i wanted to go back to volunteer again, but my body can only take so much.
i'll be going back to school for my clearance, then my duty. i can't wait for summer to come.
and you know what? a day after the fire, it rained.
i hitched a ride home with my friend. we were silent all the way, but we didnt mind that at all. we were too tired and groggy to even mutter a few words.
i slept for three hours before waking up again for an appointment with my dentist. then i headed back to school for my case study with my pal. i barely managed to keep my eyes open. the blasted memory stick would not work and the trackball in our computer lab was not cooperating. lawd, i thought the day would never end.
i wanted to go back to volunteer again, but my body can only take so much.
i'll be going back to school for my clearance, then my duty. i can't wait for summer to come.
and you know what? a day after the fire, it rained.
Friday, March 24, 2006
whaddya know? its finally over!
the tests are over and my verdict: i did fairly well. it was not my best performance (could've done better) but nevertheless, not bad, not bad.
nothing fancy, nothing extraordinary marked the end of my junior year. i am saying goodbye to it in a few weeks and will say hello to the final year of my college year before i am off to find fame and fortune. there is no bittersweet nostalgia. no regrets, i am glad that it is finally over. it's not graduation or anything ^^
just my luck that tragedy should mar my final finals day. how are you supposed to act in the midst of a tragedy? yeaterday, march 23, 2006, a fire raged in the city near school. the damage is massive and thousands are camping out in my school till something happens. times like these brings out the best and the worst in some people. looters abounded that night and as much as it pisses you off, you just can't do anything about it in the midst of panic. however, i do applaud the students of my school for volunteering without being told to do so. my salute to you.
situated approximately 7 km away (according to the road sign) from the city, i felt lucky and at the same time guilty for my good fortune and blessings. as much as i felt sorry for those victims, i was happier that none of my family was hurt in that fire. that night, i realized that the least i should do was to pray for those people. my faith and relationship with God has not been exactly smooth lately, so i was stumped as to what and how to pray. how do you begin to pray for people who have lost everything they worked for? dear Lord, please comfort them. be with them. they are in your hands. in my mind it sounded inadequate but somehow that seemed the only words that i could think of. i guess, in times of need, the simplest prayers reveal the heart's true intention.
today, i will return to school to help out in the relief operations. partly to help, mostly to cover my payback duty ^^ *sigh* in the middle of a tragedy, the only thing that can keep us sane is normalcy *grins*
currently listening: narda by kamikazee (yeah, pinoy music rocks!!)currently watching: WWE (rey mysterio!!!!)
nothing fancy, nothing extraordinary marked the end of my junior year. i am saying goodbye to it in a few weeks and will say hello to the final year of my college year before i am off to find fame and fortune. there is no bittersweet nostalgia. no regrets, i am glad that it is finally over. it's not graduation or anything ^^
just my luck that tragedy should mar my final finals day. how are you supposed to act in the midst of a tragedy? yeaterday, march 23, 2006, a fire raged in the city near school. the damage is massive and thousands are camping out in my school till something happens. times like these brings out the best and the worst in some people. looters abounded that night and as much as it pisses you off, you just can't do anything about it in the midst of panic. however, i do applaud the students of my school for volunteering without being told to do so. my salute to you.
situated approximately 7 km away (according to the road sign) from the city, i felt lucky and at the same time guilty for my good fortune and blessings. as much as i felt sorry for those victims, i was happier that none of my family was hurt in that fire. that night, i realized that the least i should do was to pray for those people. my faith and relationship with God has not been exactly smooth lately, so i was stumped as to what and how to pray. how do you begin to pray for people who have lost everything they worked for? dear Lord, please comfort them. be with them. they are in your hands. in my mind it sounded inadequate but somehow that seemed the only words that i could think of. i guess, in times of need, the simplest prayers reveal the heart's true intention.
today, i will return to school to help out in the relief operations. partly to help, mostly to cover my payback duty ^^ *sigh* in the middle of a tragedy, the only thing that can keep us sane is normalcy *grins*
currently listening: narda by kamikazee (yeah, pinoy music rocks!!)currently watching: WWE (rey mysterio!!!!)
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